Archive for September, 2011

September 27, 2011

No jokes. Please No jokes

by Khanum

I have met some confused people and then I have seen some entirely mental ones too but never in my (I won’t tell my age) years of Life , Have I come across a Person (a man to be honest) who has given me a reasonable and not laughable reply. (Or kill-able in many cases).

I’m Talking about the marriage question. And  No, Khanum hasn’t proposed anyone lately. (I solemnly declare I do not have any Boyfriend , neither do I wish to have one in any case) And if you’re wondering what this post is about. I don’t know where the feet or the toes of this post would be but You know me, I always make a point!

So what happened. You know the Facebook page I often visit and mention? HAPPY MUSLIM HUSBAND AND WIFE. Last Time I wrote a post over it that was a ridiculous hit.  Few days back I ran into a discussion “What qualities would you want in spouse.” I interviewed (surveyed) few opposite genders and I got some super funny replies. The ones that make u go baboons and well! baboons!  I just asked my cousin the other day – just out of curiosity- Why would you want to get married?. And he gives me the most ROmantic reply Ever. “…For Food, Pervisha. Its all about food. For having good food around the year, 3 times a day!” I confidently moved on to my next cousin. I repeated the same question and he gave me the heart attack of my life. “Marriage? ..” He stares at me as if I’m – a school girl and winks!  ..”Who wants to get married dude ? eh! I’m good!”

OK. So I was always worried where the young generation is going. But Now Im more worried where my two Cousins are going 😮 We had a long debate over it that went like forever.  In the end I shut up for the sake of keeping my sanity intact because I concluded what my one cousin wanted was a Master Chef  – not a wife and the other one just needed a good beat from his parents. Including me. Or I better just  give a call to his (secret gf) and reveal his future plans. yes. That’s most reasonable. (JOKE)

Back to HAPPY MUSLIM AND WIFE.

They Also had a similar status update interestingly. Look what they posted.

I seriously wonder if the Admin of this page is female or some hardcore fan of female psychology. Why must this page ask men to take notes otherwise ? Most importantly, Who knows a man that takes such notes anyways?  Have you ever met one, seen one, talked to one? Really? 😮

I read few replies and didn’t make a comment myself for two reasons.

1- I didn’t want to be associated with the status at any cost. (It was enough that  I mistakenly ended up hitting the ‘Like’ )

2- I laughed so hard at others that I really forgot to crack any joke there. whatever the ladies had written was enough. And out of that. I had been able to finally complete my research on this Opposite-Sex-Psychology-On-Finding-a-Spouse thing.

You are now asked to throw away every bit of logic in the air. Just blow it away. Read the rest of the post and laugh at Some-of-Your-genders- opinions on this matter.

Top 5 Qualities Men (What type of , I cannot comprehend) look for in their spouse.

1- She must not have any boyfriend , this friend or that friend or boyfriend history. (hahaha – as if u’re saint urself.  keep looking)

2- She must have white and nice feet , toes and hands. (OK- what about the face. Can it be blue, black,  green or yellow?)

3- She must acknowledge the fact that Her husband is her Second God , Majazi Khuda. (Do you acknowledge this fact yourself , bhai sahab?)

4- She must have blue eyes. (Just explain to me – what has eye color got to do with finding your spouse? )

And then finally … the 5th point.

5- She must not snore. (Now khanum is really speechless – banging her head on the wall, rolling on the carpet – finding her grandfather’s pistol and aiming to shoot this man)

Top 5 Qualities Women (What type of , I cannot comprehend) look for in their spouse.

1- He should have beard (OK)

2- He should not have beard (hainn ? :o)

3- He must be kind, and caring, and understanding and love me even when I shout and handsome and some more kind and more caring and some more understanding and rich and must have a BMW or Mercedes and must not look for another women. He must inform me where he’s going but he should not question when Where I am headed to and he should take me shopping and he should look like johnny depp once in a month and oH I would truly adore a man who would get my name tattooed on his arm you know like Johnny depp got Verona Riders name and maybe on His chest too … (Please shut up!  get a new brain or control plus Z your ideal man but I feel its really better you get a brain surgery) P.S. Stop watching Korean dramas and immediately quit reading stupid novels.

4- He must take me to McDonald’s every day. (Why? Does he own it? Or does his father own it?)

5- He must love animals. (uh – It is really beyond me – Do You want him to marry you or your cat?)

Other than these, There was another point on high demand by my religious sisters. It was about finding a partner who is spiritually rich. Let me quote a sister. “He should be an EXPERT in the field of Islam and must be a true Follower of Allah and His Prophet PBUH and must know the sunnah and everything, plus he has to be a daee. He should be perfect.” I couldn’t help myself from laughing at the word ‘EXPERT’. Please ask your self, or let me just ask you myself.  Are you a Phd degree holder in the field of Islamic studies and Fiqh studies and Fatwa Studies and Shariah studies and Sunnah Studies and every studies that could possibly exist in order to make you a Perfect Muslim???!! No? Then please be reasonable. Yes!? Then still be reasonable. This world is running out of men and women are increasing in numbers day by day. Do you want to get married or not, sista ?!

I can give you a hundred stupid demands made by most of the women and men in this world almost everyday. Just not too long ago, my cousin got divorced. He had been married for two years and it didn’t work out between the two: hence, divorced. So when I mistakenly asked him – actually I didn’t ask he himself started the non sense – He said “I want a woman who will furnish the house, bring in lots of jahaiz, buy me a car, take care of me financially or better she can take me to her home and we’ll be living there in peace”.

I just asked one little question to him and he wouldn’t talk to me on this matter again.

“Are you talking about getting married or getting adopted ? he never answered. 😀

She should be this tall because I’m that tall – she should look like britney spears but should be very veryyy modest and he should be this handsome because I’m like queen of sheba and this and that and some more blah bla. Really, is it like finding a matching Gold jewellery for your color tone ? No! It’s not. Finding a spouse is not at all like finding your matching shoes, purse, dress, earings or jewellery at all because when you make the effort to look for these material things you actually PAY to buy. How can you buy your spouse? You look for them to be loved and live your whole life with.

It’s not compatible qualities that you’re talking about here when you’re saying you want to have a woman with this figure and a man with this height! – these demands are just your selfishness and lust for finding perfection which btw is only meant for Allah swt , The creator of the Worlds! So if you’re finding God , please find a praying mat and meditate.

My grandmother married my grandfather when she was very young. (Yes I talk alot about my grandma) . They were cousins and total opposites in personality. She was bubbly and was always into outings and stuff with her girlfriends while on the other hand my Grandfather was a tough rough Handsome dude in the British Army. He was by nature very disciplined, boring , strict and  nothing like my nano but honest. So it was a successful marriage. BINGO! She would often narrate her most cherished memories with him. One day she mentioned , ‘The day I came to know I have finally been engaged to your grandfather I rushed to the Halwai, bought lots of sweets and went on to give the good news to the neighbors and my friends and gave alot of laddooos even to the strangers on the street. I was so happy that I am going to be Tufail’s wife.Then on the day of Nikkah I used maswaak to give colors to my lips , your grandfather saw me and said nothing. But I knew he just didn’t say it out of my shyness.’

I swear, hearing her telling this beautiful beautiful story was just simply magic. He went on wars and often didn’t come home for a year or two. Grandma said I used to go mad and angry sometimes that I will tell him this and that and this and that But the moment he used to return home to her, She would simply start to cry and feed him good food. 🙂

I wonder what that was….. Love?  You leave behind a woman today and you may never get to see her after you return!!

He passed away very soon leaving behind 8 children. Since my grandma was way younger than him, she lived all these years alone and missing him so much that I can barely do justice to her sadness with my words. I mentioned in my other post once how she had developed Alzheimer. She wouldn’t remember any child or any brother but one person she always remembered was her Husband. “Who is Tufail, nano?” We used to ask her to bring her back to conciousness when she often went into coma. “Tufail? Tufail is my husband…”

Seeing her saying this with much love in her old eyes, I used to wonder what is it that still binds Grandpa with nano even after his death?

Magic. Love. Association. Whatever it was. It was not a joke. It was a product of their honest time together. It was beautiful.

Now let’s take a quick look at the conversation below. This is a super kid I came across –  Arab by origins , who I believe should be rocketed off to a far far away and very distant planet for the sake of saving the virtues of foolish women of this planet. I had a conversation with a woman over Salaah thing at his status which resulted in this inbox conversation. I removed his name to maintain his privacy. Below is the picture,  He messages me and I reply.

Do you think khanum should wipe off this person? 😀 By the time he marries at the age of 30 Im sure, he would be having dozens of women-  all of them hoping he would marry them. In the name of Ta’aruf!

I won’t type more. I’m tired.

The End.

September 23, 2011

Table for 2 . Very Traditional

by Khanum

 Today ,  the boss of the kitchen (yes my mother) decided to go on cooking- strike, evi main. ‘I have just cooked khichri and all of you better eat that’. She announced. All the non protesting members of family eventually gave in except two. It was me and my Cat.  That announcement was a death for us both. We are generally the strangest creatures at home. ‘Meat eaters’ is what my ammi jaan labels us. We eat in contrast but always together. For instance when  I eat the egg white, she eats the egg yolk. Anyway,

Back to the kitchen.

Desperate times call for desperate  errr … I mean Khanum’s measures. It was once again time to item up and step into the cutlery war zone.

I had one red capsicum, 1 green capsicum, 1 cup yogurt, 1, 1 something something , and only 4 pieces of  chicken. I could cook enough for two. For Me & my cat (my cat doesn’t eat uncooked meat neither overcooked meat, please note).

So this is what I came up with. The roti I had to ask from tandoor, ofcourse. I am after all khanum not some tandoor wali.  I cooked chicken with friend capsicum on top. I had no idea how to cook something good and something that can be blogged about  with just 4 pieces of chicken. I did alot of abra cadabra to turn the flavors wow and I’m glad it turned out ala ka scram. The only spices I used was dried coriander,  salt and red chilli powder. For lassi , a drink which the people of Turkey call as  Ayran , I used simply yogurt and water. (my Pakistani chums already know this of course).

So there it goes. Another story of my life from Pakistan. . Hope you enjoy the pictures.

P.S. Please excuse the quality of the pictures today. My professional photography camera developed some incurable error at the last minute. So I had to use another camera. Not a beauty at all.

P.S.S. Due to undesirable circumstances, my cat did not join me for the lunch. By the time I was frying the chicken, my cat was on the verge of committing suicide. So I had to give her some milk to drink and be contended with that.

P.S.S. Because I made only one glass of lassi, I shared it with others. 

September 22, 2011

I’m now officially one of the coolest ‘blogs’

by Khanum

Ladies  & Gentlemen I’m happy to inform you, What a  pleasant surprise I received by The World Via Standby  this evening.  A fantastic blog on Travelling and Photography. This really makes me cool, eh? The pretty owner of the blog who happens to be the wife of a pretty smart Captain woke up to get the award in the Morning. I woke up after an episode of Loadshedding in my area to recieve the award from her. And This blog is no ordinary one.  Im really thrilled and thankful to be awarded by her and cherished.

SHe says and I quote:

Khanum Says -Khanum is a talented photographer and has an excellent blog about life in Pakistan. Check out her blog!

Ok- So this is the part where I’ll hold my Trophy now and you will clap. Teehe!

P.S. This blog has some code of ethics to be followed but I ain’t gonna do that so please don’t say anything or create a scene, otherwise i’ll say bad things to you.  :$

September 21, 2011

My Little Friends

by Khanum

September 19, 2011

My Perfect little stroll in the morning :s

by Khanum

5:30 am in the morning. I step out of my room stretching –  it’s time for a morning stroll.  The fajr prayer is long being prayed , sleep is no where near my eyes. A walk seemed like a pretty good idea.

Gladly I walk by the rooms. I can hear some bears snoring in the background. That, of course, is my Uncle from the zoo.  I’m in the middle of the way, not quite there in the pretty little courytard that I begin to plan what I’m going to do in the next few minutes.

“This and this and that…and that too. And Oh I have to oil my Rapunzel hair first”, A train of thoughts start running my brain. But By the moment I’m there, I’m already changing my mind to run back to my room and grab the bloody camera.

I stood in the little lawn mesmerized by the serenity of the scene. Cool breeze, grey sky, the birds chirping in the background. The Tip-Tip the tap-tap music of the water playing in proximity. Probably some tap leakage. .But  oh Boy! What an awesome Morning!

Habitually I looked up at the sky to search fr the white ball of Moon. Thanks to the Heavens, it was there. Dim , covered under the blanket of grey clouds but it was there. It looked like someone had taken a half bite out of it.  But it looked perfect enough to shoot. I quickly realized,   the idea of oiling my hair at this hour was utterly ridiculous . The absurdity of it! I ran back to my room immediately  only to find my camera out of battery.

The desperation of the hour, how can I ever explain it? It seemed like as if I looked for the food and not for the new battery.I ran frantically from point A to point B in my small square room – only to reach point C for nothing. The hilarity , I could not even  find the battery charger.

I glanced at the clock. It lolled 5:40 at me. O teri! I slipped here and there again.It could not get any more worse, I just knew.

——————

I find the charger atlast. Finally give 2 minutes life to the battery. Put on a big smile , yay-ing and cheering all the way  back to the courtyard, hoping to do awesome moon photography.

But I find nothing there , except a pair of birds, apparently smooching.

Long gone the moon, long gone the winds. I finally decide to oil my hair. What a perfect little stroll in the morning!

September 16, 2011

Believe it or not, I can actually draw.

by Khanum

All my childhood I was sure I am decent if not awesome at drawing. Fast forward few years and in College I was told, ‘Yu suck!’ It’s true..I really suck at drawing despite of having artistic blood in my veins from my mother’s side. She draws and paints. My Uncle draws and paints. And  I simply shoot!

But one day, a voice inside my head urged me to test my skills. “Yu  come from an artistic family  yu Loser”

“Do I?’ I asked the Heavenly voice , that just insulted me.

“Yes, of course you mummy! Go! Make your mother proud and save this world.”

So I applied for a degree in the Arts department. Voala! They immediately kicked me out.  After that , its been 5 years that heavenly voice didn’t contact me again , until recently it spoke to me while I watched Manga Anime. Yes. That’s right. I am a Manga person. I said enough is enough to myself and from that day on,  These are the miracles that I produced in order to make my Family proud.

This is the Image I adore the most. I think the lines are pretty decent. But I did mess up his hair on the top though. My mother thinks he was a bald coot I gave him a wig. :o. I guess even that’s some skill!

 And this image here is my pride. All the other images were my attempt to get my lines straight. I had an image that I copied to perfect myself. However , this Bad boy here is my own creation without any COPY! I was watching manga anime and a very cute character inspired. Here I messed up again. The real boy was a cute one. I turned him into a little pirate. Again my mother thinks I have a natual talent at these things 😀 Now I don’t intend to continue to draw faces. It’s forbidden in our religion. I just wanted to prove to my family and that heavenly voice, “Yup! I can do it!’ And Now I must say someone should call that Department head and tell her what an asset she lost! I don’t draw that well. ‘Can’t draw wont draw no painting has always been my slogan but c’mon. Don’t all those artists call the ‘messed up’ versions of their paintings Abstract art?  😮

September 15, 2011

Why is there no Old Age Home for You Mother?

by Khanum

I have seen many people throwing their parents at the Old age Home. It seems like the Alzheimer part has been reversed. Instead of parents acquiring an age and forgetting flesh and blood not by will but by fate, their children are suffering from Deliberate Alzheimer and forgetting them for their personal good out of their own will.

On Eid day there was a news report on Geo TV on this issue. For them it may have been just a few minutes package to fill the time slot but the old and dying crippled mother waiting for her only son and daughter in law on that auspicious Day did not look like she could take it any longer. She said and I quote,

“….Where’s my son…? call my son…I’m scared..where’s my Akhter..” And her Akhter was no where in sight but having a blast at home with his new family.  I turned the tv off. And glanced at my own mother. A past reel began.

When I was about stuck between 8 and 7, the age where we are dragged by our feet to school functions, forced to perform ballads  in the name  of Performing arts. One fine morning the school maid came to our house. It was winters as far as I remember. I went to Blossom Public School then. Where I was to perform with a group of other kids a poem on the stage for which I needed a last minute rehearsal. It was cold and cruel to wake up  But I went with her anyway.

The rehearsals ended around 9 in the morning. I was annoyed by this time. No breakfast , no mama in sight. O Khudaya! Had she forgotten about me coming to school ? I felt terrified. Who were these people ? I did not want to stay there with them any longer. I would kick and yell and then the Teacher would soothe me down with her stare again. I would kick and yell again and she would hush me down yet once more.

This circus continued for eternity. I awaited my mother like a lover. She was nowhere in sight. I felt terrified.

Hours passed and then finally the show began. I was told to wait at the back stage for my turn. The day is quite clear in my memory. Because I was small and trying to look for my mother. I had fallen down from a bench where I stood at the back.  The kids laughed at this and this is where I really, really went hush. Few minutes pass, came my turn. I was soon carried up and placed on the stage in front of the audience. Have you ever felt a moment where you refuse to go on but have to anyhow? it was one of those times. I was a scared and forgotten cub….

That day has passed. I remember another similar incident.

It was a tough day on my grandmother. She did not feel well and was having trouble breathing. I watched her making efforts with her breath and was asked to recite Surah Yaseen by her bed.

It’s never easy…. To do this. I felt terrified again. I did not want to stay there any longer. My grandmother did listen to me reading while crying  but she did not remember this girl’s  face or any of us.

She was suffering from Alzheimer. I was suffering from fear of separation. I  was a scared and forgotten cub….again.

I would try to remind my nano again and again my name my relation with her , for a second she would smile like she remembers but then again she would forget. She was annoyed. She was terrified and she probably must  be thinking who are these people? I don’t want to stay here any longer…

It was devastating . I was the apple  of her eye and somehow it felt very hurtful that my grandmother has forgotten her only Pervisha ? That day I was forced to realize the cruelty of Alzheimer. And a fear penetrated my heart, what will happen if one day my own mother forgets my face? Can a child live if he is forgotten by his parents ? That too by a mother who was there at every step of his life? I was 7 again and I had two choices. To let her forget and be contended, or let her forget but remember the love we shared in my own memories again and again.

Sadly There are people who choose the former one. Like Akhter.

There is no Old Age home for my mother and there never will be one because that day my mother did come…she always had. I was in the middle of  twisting my arms here there on stage when my eyes fell upon her. I had made a homerun towards her like a crazy lover , ruining my performance and everything. And just when I was about to faint from fatigue of the day. She produced two slices of french toast in front of me like magic and hugged with all her heart.

I will hug you  the same Mama when you’re old.. scared and feeling like a forgotten cub..  That’s what the Prophets did. That’s what we as proper humans should do.