Archive for November, 2011

November 13, 2011

Halaat Kahani

by Khanum

Mujh se kisi ne pocha , Kia tumhe khawab bhi angrezi mai ata hai ?

Main ne herani mai kaha, Nahi !

Phir mujse pocha gaya, acha…! tou kia tum sochti bhi angrezi mai ho ?
Ab ki baar main ne muskura ker jawab diya. “Haan, kabhi kabhi.”

Yunhi sawal o jawab ka silsila chalta raha, main kabhi ulajh ker kabhi muskura ker haan naah mai sir hilati rahi.  Main is zaviye ki addi ho chuki thi. Log akser yehi sochte thay, angrezi bolti hai shayad sochti bhi angrezi mai ho jazbaat bhi angrezi ho, adaaat bhi angrezi or rasmo rawaj bhi angrezi.  Main jahan tak mumkin ho saka baat ka jawab deti gai, phir achanak se chup hogai.

“Phir Ab urdu main likhti kyun nahi?” aik or sawal ka wajdaan hua.

Main kuch dair us sawali ki ankho mai ankhein daale ghoorti rahi. Sakhti se nahi, nah talkhi se….bus naram ankhon se,  tik takki lagaye. Dosri taraf jawab ka intezar barh raha tha, likin yeh bhi ek nagawaar haqeeqat thi mere hont ab tak  junbish se khali thay..

“Kia soch rahi ho…?”

“Jo beeti hai..” Main ne sada se andaaz mai jawab dia aur nazrein chura leen.

“Kia beeti hai?”

“Jiska mein ne zikar nahi kiya.”

“Kyun zikar nahi kia ?”

“Kyun ziker nahi kerte?” main ne bhi tukri ba turki sawal kiya

Kuch dair ab dosri janib khamoshi rahi. Sir jhukaye, mu banaye, bilkul gehri khamoshi rahi. Wo bhi kiya khoob soch ka sannata tha, Phir us ne is sannatte ki matt maar di.

“Tumhe shairi nahi atti hogi, isi liye. Ya phir…..”

“Ya phir?” Mera dil mazeed bujh gaya.  kyun log kerte hain esi baatein? Kia hai ye sab? Kyun hain hum log esey….?

“nahi bs, yehi wajah hai. Tumhe shairi nahi ati warna log akser shairi main bohat kuch keh jate hain.”

Mera dil chaha main haath mai pakri kitaab us ke sir pe de maroon. Likin meri saadgi, maine ne dheemi si muskurahat dey maari. Akhir k us ne sach hi kaha tha. Muje shairi kahan ati thi?

“Angrezi tou ati hai na?” …”haan ati hain, per uska is se – ” , Uska is se taluk mat pocho. Bus keh daalo.”

Likin main chup rahi. Itney main mehfil mai do aur parwaney shamil hogaye. do se teen, teen se chaar, in rasmi si baaton ke liye sab jama hogaye. kisi ne chand alfaaz main tashbeeh dey ker dil ki duniya keh daali

Subah ki coffee ki tarah,,

Zindagi bhi,

Joon joon sard hoti gayi,

Talkh hoti gayi….!

Kisi ne mohabbat pe shair sunaya, kisi ne nafrat main ghazal parhi.

Unki urdu is kadar nafees, meri urdu….kuch  khass nahi…bus meri sochon tak mehdood rahi.

Main chup rahi. 

“Chalo chalo, ab tumhari baari hai!”

“Kia kahoon?” … muje sab ne apne mazakh ka nishana banaya. Main ban bhi gai. “Ms angrez, kuch kahen ap b ab urdu zubaan mai. Arey per apko tou shairi nahi atii….? ke uska bhi angrezi mai wajdaan hota hai ?”

“Angrezi bolna yaani jurm hua.” …”haan bilkul! … sanjeedgi ki zubaan bus ek zubaan hai…Urdu!”

“Acha?” mujhe is baat per bey panaah hassi aii. Main Chup rahi.

Phir mujse 1 ghante mai panchween martaba pocha gaya, Tumhe waqai kia her dil ki soch  angrezi mai ati hai? …”Nahi!”  main chup rahi.

“Haan, mujje yeh rasmi rasmi sa izhar nahi ata. Muje jo soch ati hai, behad saadi bohat bey baak si ati hai .  yeh rasmi sa izhar nahi ata”

Main ne side per rakh di gai apni kitaab phir se utha li , or is mehfil se anjaan ban ker beth gai. Wo bare logon ki anjuman thi. Main ek choti si adeeb, wo bhi angrezi zubaan ki. Kahan ata tha mujse ye sab kehna? likin wo ba zidd, or mai – bechargi ki hadd tak lafzon se ghareeb.

Mere haath mai aik kagaz thama dia gaya, shair nah sahee, kisi soch ka aik tukra hi sahee. ‘Batao, dil ki duniya. tum kia kahogi?”. Main ne sir jhukaye kagaz lotaya, laptop on kia or likha shuru hogai…

Nah tashbeeh di nah tang kheenchi…Maine aik hi baat ko ek hi jumle ko  kitni hi zubanon mai likh dala.  Kisi zubaan ka kuch aser betha, kisi ka kuch nikla…. Per wo samjh gaye! Nah meine backspace ka istemal kia nah  save file click kerne  ki zehmat kerna samjhi.

Unke samne screen rakh di. Unhon ne sab parha per phir bhi nazar khas us urdu ke bey baak jumley per mehwar rahi. Wo khamoshi se taktey gaye, main narmi se  talkhi ka ehsas chorey kamrey se bahir nikal aii..

Ab koi nahi pochta mujse … kyun hain mere halaat Talkh ….kisi bhi zuban mai!!! yun rasmi rasmi.

Note: its first time ,a full post in Roman Urdu on this blog by me. Please excuse any of my Urdu mistake.

November 6, 2011

Dear God

by Khanum

I write to you again ,  on this auspicious day to mention what things worry me in life which was given by You.

Life’s a beauty and a bounty, My Master. I am not denying that. But sometimes it grows  quite heavy on your servants.  We begin to feel tired and alone. I cannot deny this either…

Our hearts begin to carry  a crucial worry that never lets us rest. A worry that sleeps when we’re asleep and awakens as we rise. It stops when we  think of You and deepens when we  see someone happy and we let the Satan whisper in our ears. He whispers, ‘Don’t pray and don’t Trust He will show you an escape, You will never have that happiness’ , so we stop believing.

I have such a worry too , Dear God!  I am in trouble and I am in this trouble ,  Alone!

One minute the world is okay – the next it’s again void , empty and hollow.

I may very well let this routine continue, let this time pass out and let this worry wrinkle me and take me away from you … but suddenly – You – make it easy for me to see what You have been wanting me to do..You save me.

I realize something and Oh! the beauty of it Allah! I suddenly rejoice and cry words of  thanks, words of  forgiveness.

Even though I know I have wrecked things in life … The Beauty of Your love in my heart says , You will still make it better.

I joyously make wudu, I humbly establish salaat and then miraculously , just like out of the blue,  You appear in my heart. You truly, truly appear as peace in my heart. And In that brief moment, I am assured  its a proof  you wanted me to call out for You.

And I do call out for you.

Had there been no courage no support from you to pray , how would the world had survived after all Allah ? I cannot imagine that.

And because I cannot imagine You as anything else but Mercy and Sustainer of the worlds – who can do EVERYTHING – I will write to you again and again . Because now I know, Dua and Qadr (predestination) are both a part of Allah’s plan. And a gift when we’re lost.

Accept the prayers of this servant Ya Allah, and grant me , my parents, my future spouse, my loved ones and my descendants a pious life and make us your humble Obedient servants. Let the children of my children walk the straight path, serve your deen in every way possible and die on Deen ul Haq. Ya Allah Ya Rabul Alameen, You are the Most High and Most forgiving!  Forgive my sins, Allah, forgive my sins. Forgive my sins. Forgive my sins. And let me die with Your Praise on my tongue.

Yours forever,

Khanum…

“Do not despair of solace from Allah (swt). No one despairs of solace from Allah except for people who disbelieve.” [Surah Yusuf, 87]

P.S. You didn’t summon for me this year for Hajj, Allah?…  I truly wanted to be there but its alright, I’m hoping you would call me next year? I love you! Please do consider calling me there with my mehram ? Please? I’ll be ever thanful…..