A perplexed thought

by Khanum

Each day brings forth new realities of this world to surface for me , the ugliness the beauty the fake people, the strong people……all slowly but sure! And then its the month of Ramadan when I come to learn the most.. This applies to almost everyone out there during these Holy days, sometimes we come to learn from others sometimes others come to learn from us and so on..but sometimes it happens that I am left utterly speechless and nothing but in an absolute abyss of confusion where I begin hating myself for the height of their faith and lack of my own and for the love of this nafs..

Im sorry but I could not stay without pointing out the deed I saw, a  notion that have been harbouring in me and killing me from inside bringing forth a very basic giant of a question..

Is  racing on reading and then the completion of Holy Book of Lord in this month ,something of a yardstick to prove to others that they are the holiest of people this year  or  this is really the true worship and I have been doing it all wrong…? I go in high doubt at my own relation my own respect for Him when I cannot fathom this… maybe am not good and they are.

Racing.

or maybe am bad and they aren’t.

Racing.

Such a perplexed thought.

26 Comments to “A perplexed thought”

  1. Didn’t you get the memo? Religion is no longer a personal thing. What you and your God have must be broadcasted to the entire world😀

  2. it confuses and perplexes me too.
    some just put up too much of a show of how religious they are.
    but what really counts is what is in your heart …🙂
    Do one little deed in the name of Allah and that will be more worthy than racing to finish the Quran just for the sake of showing off one’s piousness.

    • sometimes I can’t decide is it really a show or they jus tryin to teach us. I for one begin to hate myself on this. I start with a depression. Utter depression. They after all pose a great question mark on our love for Him…

  3. While nobody should be in an all out race and actually showing off. We are not here to judge other’s intentions as such. Don’t compare yourself to others. Your relation with Allah (swt) is still yours, regardless of what others do or do not do, say or do not say.

    • you’re right but you didnt get my dilemma right. My fingers are pointed at my own self here. I am a critique an enemy of my own. When they are doing so much hardwork I for one begin to question myself. I feel am a nothing but dirt in this world of saints..
      Thank you for ur comment.

  4. well inevitably whatever we are feeding (or are fed) into ourselves stirs and mixes. Even the best laid plot to keep it all in will fail. the hurt comes out in quips, in words, in actions, in those glares of “oh please go in a corner and die”. perhaps some people have a better immunity than others, but a semi-perceptive person should become at minimal aware of your state.

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