Each day brings forth new realities of this world to surface for me , the ugliness the beauty the fake people, the strong people……all slowly but sure! And then its the month of Ramadan when I come to learn the most.. This applies to almost everyone out there during these Holy days, sometimes we come to learn from others sometimes others come to learn from us and so on..but sometimes it happens that I am left utterly speechless and nothing but in an absolute abyss of confusion where I begin hating myself for the height of their faith and lack of my own and for the love of this nafs..
Im sorry but I could not stay without pointing out the deed I saw, a notion that have been harbouring in me and killing me from inside bringing forth a very basic giant of a question..
Is racing on reading and then the completion of Holy Book of Lord in this month ,something of a yardstick to prove to others that they are the holiest of people this year or this is really the true worship and I have been doing it all wrong…? I go in high doubt at my own relation my own respect for Him when I cannot fathom this… maybe am not good and they are.
or maybe am bad and they aren’t.
Such a perplexed thought.