Posts tagged ‘facebook’

September 27, 2011

No jokes. Please No jokes

by Khanum

I have met some confused people and then I have seen some entirely mental ones too but never in my (I won’t tell my age) years of Life , Have I come across a Person (a man to be honest) who has given me a reasonable and not laughable reply. (Or kill-able in many cases).

I’m Talking about the marriage question. And  No, Khanum hasn’t proposed anyone lately. (I solemnly declare I do not have any Boyfriend , neither do I wish to have one in any case) And if you’re wondering what this post is about. I don’t know where the feet or the toes of this post would be but You know me, I always make a point!

So what happened. You know the Facebook page I often visit and mention? HAPPY MUSLIM HUSBAND AND WIFE. Last Time I wrote a post over it that was a ridiculous hit.  Few days back I ran into a discussion “What qualities would you want in spouse.” I interviewed (surveyed) few opposite genders and I got some super funny replies. The ones that make u go baboons and well! baboons!  I just asked my cousin the other day – just out of curiosity- Why would you want to get married?. And he gives me the most ROmantic reply Ever. “…For Food, Pervisha. Its all about food. For having good food around the year, 3 times a day!” I confidently moved on to my next cousin. I repeated the same question and he gave me the heart attack of my life. “Marriage? ..” He stares at me as if I’m – a school girl and winks!  ..”Who wants to get married dude ? eh! I’m good!”

OK. So I was always worried where the young generation is going. But Now Im more worried where my two Cousins are going 😮 We had a long debate over it that went like forever.  In the end I shut up for the sake of keeping my sanity intact because I concluded what my one cousin wanted was a Master Chef  – not a wife and the other one just needed a good beat from his parents. Including me. Or I better just  give a call to his (secret gf) and reveal his future plans. yes. That’s most reasonable. (JOKE)

Back to HAPPY MUSLIM AND WIFE.

They Also had a similar status update interestingly. Look what they posted.

I seriously wonder if the Admin of this page is female or some hardcore fan of female psychology. Why must this page ask men to take notes otherwise ? Most importantly, Who knows a man that takes such notes anyways?  Have you ever met one, seen one, talked to one? Really? 😮

I read few replies and didn’t make a comment myself for two reasons.

1- I didn’t want to be associated with the status at any cost. (It was enough that  I mistakenly ended up hitting the ‘Like’ )

2- I laughed so hard at others that I really forgot to crack any joke there. whatever the ladies had written was enough. And out of that. I had been able to finally complete my research on this Opposite-Sex-Psychology-On-Finding-a-Spouse thing.

You are now asked to throw away every bit of logic in the air. Just blow it away. Read the rest of the post and laugh at Some-of-Your-genders- opinions on this matter.

Top 5 Qualities Men (What type of , I cannot comprehend) look for in their spouse.

1- She must not have any boyfriend , this friend or that friend or boyfriend history. (hahaha – as if u’re saint urself.  keep looking)

2- She must have white and nice feet , toes and hands. (OK- what about the face. Can it be blue, black,  green or yellow?)

3- She must acknowledge the fact that Her husband is her Second God , Majazi Khuda. (Do you acknowledge this fact yourself , bhai sahab?)

4- She must have blue eyes. (Just explain to me – what has eye color got to do with finding your spouse? )

And then finally … the 5th point.

5- She must not snore. (Now khanum is really speechless – banging her head on the wall, rolling on the carpet – finding her grandfather’s pistol and aiming to shoot this man)

Top 5 Qualities Women (What type of , I cannot comprehend) look for in their spouse.

1- He should have beard (OK)

2- He should not have beard (hainn ? :o)

3- He must be kind, and caring, and understanding and love me even when I shout and handsome and some more kind and more caring and some more understanding and rich and must have a BMW or Mercedes and must not look for another women. He must inform me where he’s going but he should not question when Where I am headed to and he should take me shopping and he should look like johnny depp once in a month and oH I would truly adore a man who would get my name tattooed on his arm you know like Johnny depp got Verona Riders name and maybe on His chest too … (Please shut up!  get a new brain or control plus Z your ideal man but I feel its really better you get a brain surgery) P.S. Stop watching Korean dramas and immediately quit reading stupid novels.

4- He must take me to McDonald’s every day. (Why? Does he own it? Or does his father own it?)

5- He must love animals. (uh – It is really beyond me – Do You want him to marry you or your cat?)

Other than these, There was another point on high demand by my religious sisters. It was about finding a partner who is spiritually rich. Let me quote a sister. “He should be an EXPERT in the field of Islam and must be a true Follower of Allah and His Prophet PBUH and must know the sunnah and everything, plus he has to be a daee. He should be perfect.” I couldn’t help myself from laughing at the word ‘EXPERT’. Please ask your self, or let me just ask you myself.  Are you a Phd degree holder in the field of Islamic studies and Fiqh studies and Fatwa Studies and Shariah studies and Sunnah Studies and every studies that could possibly exist in order to make you a Perfect Muslim???!! No? Then please be reasonable. Yes!? Then still be reasonable. This world is running out of men and women are increasing in numbers day by day. Do you want to get married or not, sista ?!

I can give you a hundred stupid demands made by most of the women and men in this world almost everyday. Just not too long ago, my cousin got divorced. He had been married for two years and it didn’t work out between the two: hence, divorced. So when I mistakenly asked him – actually I didn’t ask he himself started the non sense – He said “I want a woman who will furnish the house, bring in lots of jahaiz, buy me a car, take care of me financially or better she can take me to her home and we’ll be living there in peace”.

I just asked one little question to him and he wouldn’t talk to me on this matter again.

“Are you talking about getting married or getting adopted ? he never answered. 😀

She should be this tall because I’m that tall – she should look like britney spears but should be very veryyy modest and he should be this handsome because I’m like queen of sheba and this and that and some more blah bla. Really, is it like finding a matching Gold jewellery for your color tone ? No! It’s not. Finding a spouse is not at all like finding your matching shoes, purse, dress, earings or jewellery at all because when you make the effort to look for these material things you actually PAY to buy. How can you buy your spouse? You look for them to be loved and live your whole life with.

It’s not compatible qualities that you’re talking about here when you’re saying you want to have a woman with this figure and a man with this height! – these demands are just your selfishness and lust for finding perfection which btw is only meant for Allah swt , The creator of the Worlds! So if you’re finding God , please find a praying mat and meditate.

My grandmother married my grandfather when she was very young. (Yes I talk alot about my grandma) . They were cousins and total opposites in personality. She was bubbly and was always into outings and stuff with her girlfriends while on the other hand my Grandfather was a tough rough Handsome dude in the British Army. He was by nature very disciplined, boring , strict and  nothing like my nano but honest. So it was a successful marriage. BINGO! She would often narrate her most cherished memories with him. One day she mentioned , ‘The day I came to know I have finally been engaged to your grandfather I rushed to the Halwai, bought lots of sweets and went on to give the good news to the neighbors and my friends and gave alot of laddooos even to the strangers on the street. I was so happy that I am going to be Tufail’s wife.Then on the day of Nikkah I used maswaak to give colors to my lips , your grandfather saw me and said nothing. But I knew he just didn’t say it out of my shyness.’

I swear, hearing her telling this beautiful beautiful story was just simply magic. He went on wars and often didn’t come home for a year or two. Grandma said I used to go mad and angry sometimes that I will tell him this and that and this and that But the moment he used to return home to her, She would simply start to cry and feed him good food. 🙂

I wonder what that was….. Love?  You leave behind a woman today and you may never get to see her after you return!!

He passed away very soon leaving behind 8 children. Since my grandma was way younger than him, she lived all these years alone and missing him so much that I can barely do justice to her sadness with my words. I mentioned in my other post once how she had developed Alzheimer. She wouldn’t remember any child or any brother but one person she always remembered was her Husband. “Who is Tufail, nano?” We used to ask her to bring her back to conciousness when she often went into coma. “Tufail? Tufail is my husband…”

Seeing her saying this with much love in her old eyes, I used to wonder what is it that still binds Grandpa with nano even after his death?

Magic. Love. Association. Whatever it was. It was not a joke. It was a product of their honest time together. It was beautiful.

Now let’s take a quick look at the conversation below. This is a super kid I came across –  Arab by origins , who I believe should be rocketed off to a far far away and very distant planet for the sake of saving the virtues of foolish women of this planet. I had a conversation with a woman over Salaah thing at his status which resulted in this inbox conversation. I removed his name to maintain his privacy. Below is the picture,  He messages me and I reply.

Do you think khanum should wipe off this person? 😀 By the time he marries at the age of 30 Im sure, he would be having dozens of women-  all of them hoping he would marry them. In the name of Ta’aruf!

I won’t type more. I’m tired.

The End.

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May 9, 2011

The Soundbox

by Khanum

In the Name of Allah the Most Merciful and my Ever Living source of Light.

“I was trying to communicate with my mother with my hand gestures and sign language. She was having difficulty understanding the things I said as usual, so she told me to stop and wait for awhile till we were back at home.

I could not help but sit silently.

I had no balance in my cell which meant I couldn’t even text her and describe what I wanted.

“Excuse me” A voice so supple said to me. I looked up and asked….with my eyes. “Yes?”

“Can I sit with you?.”

I said.”Yes” with my eyes again.

I moved a bit on the side to give the woman some space to be seated.

Few minutes passed and I realized not only the woman I gave the seat to, rather all the women in the waiting lounge had their eyes on me and my hand gestures. I should have become used to it by now but still it made me a bit uncomfortable. Such pity there was in their eyes, I could easily read it but do nothing except pass a faint smile.

By the time the clock ticked out more few minutes,  My mother and i were back to our former discussion over my day activities and I once again tried to explain to her the words I could not mouth.

“I got back from work around 3 today. And you were asleep” I did some hand actions. “So after having lunch I also went to bed.”

“Okay okay…but you have to take a leave for tomorrow.”

“No. i can’t” I said back. And thanked God she was getting what I meant.

There was kindness in my mother’s eyes over the things i was telling her by signs. And I could understand that pity but what i did not get was the reaction of other women  – staring at me and saying – tsk tsk.

Khair, my deaf and dumb routine continued. and when the woman next to me no longer could take it, she finally passed her condolences to my mother – over my condition.

She thought I was deaf and dumb.

Mum thought it was hilarious.

And I think, I have been really a laughing stock over the past few days for everyone around me, yet it wasn’t bad enough.

‘Temporary Voice Loss’ was all that i was sufering from. I had been wearing ‘Cannot speak’ tag at my work place. Yes, people did pass a laugh or two over it but gradually everyone around me became to somehow learn a lesson from this ‘temporary loss’ of mine and bring me comfort. For a start, they paid more attention to my silence. For a change, even i PAID more attention to my own silence. I remember a  senior colleague passing a comment, ‘Miss pervisha aj bohat sukoon mai lag rahi hain’.

Then , secondly, as i wasn’t speaking at all, colleagues at work didnt come to me for gossip.

Heaven!!! I was saved from evil talk. El hamdulillah.

Thirdly, the absence of voice from natural sounbox …really gave a whole new perspective on  its proper usage. SubhanAllah! El Hamdulillah! Allahu Akbar.

Few days back, Nisaar.Y.Nadiadwala , An Islamic scholar ,  was not well. He excused himself from the facebook for awhile and when he returned, we were rewarded with a thoughtful note from his side. His musings were of excellent quality. Musings on life and the blessing of health after sickness.

My sickness may not be of that major type to inspire me with such great thoughts from within. Seriously… It was just a vocal cords infectiion, nothing to dance  about. And I would have regained health just like that without realising why I got sick in the first place – But you know Allah…He has His ways of showing us where we are and where in reality, He wants us to be.

el hamdulillah, I did get to see a brighter side,  a lesson from this illness. And this is what He wanted me to see.

I regained my voice yesterday evening , it was really something like a celebration for my mother. She missed hearing my voice aftr all. I missed my very personal soundbox too. Let’s  hope I don’t loose it again. Amen!

April 18, 2011

You’re as crack as me, together we can open a mental asylum!

by Khanum

Okay!!! I am very excited about this post Because Insha Allah, this time I’m hopeful  I’ll’ make it to the PUBLISH button and not the Save draft thing.

The idea of this post popped up in my brain while surfing Facebook. HAPPY MUSLIM HUSBAND & WIFE page is a very good and positive link for people who are either married or interested in sincere and Halal relationships.

Today, this page came up with a new status update:

Lets do something special for our spouse today 🙂
please share some ideas 🙂

My immediate response was this:

sometimes we do so much but never sit with them to tell them how important they are, and at times it happens, we do all the talking, and no sincere actions. Just whateva you decide to do, please make sure you express love and be honest.

I thought I was the first one to respond on the status but oh boy! There came a flood of comments. someone suggesting a massage , another recommending ‘buy her a car’ joke. This comment was really too much and definitely a product of a sister’s imagination but anyway, A bother was quick enough to correct her by simply exposing his ‘are-you-kidding-me-woman?’ smile.Right after I made my comment , someone responded saying,  i don’t have a spouse 😥 i am not married . ANd this is when I realised, I’m a natural at this baby I’m a natural. LOL.

You see, Neither am I married nor engaged, but still i give people tips as if I know what marriage is. Does this make me a psychologist? Hell no, though It probably should but no – I am just Khanum.

I have this habit of re-phrasing the phrases ( I have mentioned this quite often) and then there’s another habit which I call as ‘Putting myself in my own  future shoes’. Now let me elaborate this one.

Few days earlier, Tien came up with a post on how fun it is to play pretend pretend. My latter habit is quite similar to that ‘pretending game’. As a kid I used to imagine myself as a doctor. then the imagination got louder and God knows what other professions I made fun of. We all have been there. Where once in awhile, we all imagine ourselves as the ‘other half’ of someone. There’s really no shame in admitting it. Rewind your memories and go back to the time when you played with your siblings or cousins. What was the most played game on sunday at home? Poker?

In my case it always was ‘Wedding wedding’ or either ‘tea party’.

I used to dress up as the host and welcome my ‘imaginary husband’s parents to my home’ 😛 LOL..mother in law played by my 3 years old cousin still in her diapers and father in law by my other cousin – another diapered bottom.

This used to be quite a lot of fun. And still, the things are quite the same . Only the need to have real time actors is not there. the diapered bottom cousin is all grown up. I can’t possibly ask her and him to play that game again SO what do I do?

I improvise.

And improvise for what?

For the sake of having a better understanding of my …… ‘Future shoes’.. 😀

I imagine myself in the shoe of a wife and try to see things from a different perspective. Sometimes, it’s me versus ‘him’ , at times it’s me versus ‘everything’, but the most favourite part is when it’s ‘us’ versus everyone else.

Its very easy, you should also try. If any friend tells you I’m having this non sense or that arguement or that thing is my new headache in marriage ,  simply think from your perspective and answer her/him. This exercise apart from the joke part gives quite a sense of how to deal with people in problematic situations and most importantly gives you insight on how YOU would  respond to your own chaos. Although we all pray we end up with a nice person a sincere one upon which we can rely anytime. But c’mon lets face it. Not everyone is an exceptional case. You may end up with a total weirdo. What would you do then? Alot of women do complain of this fact. They are not afraid of marriage but simply afraid of ending up with a wrong person.

What should be done? Improvisation my friend, compromise and improvise.

I laugh when laughing is required. And yet I am a very serious type of person that my family is actually quite confused about me. But when it comes to a marriage, I would say – It’s an amalgamation of both emotions. Make sure you return the equal amount of understanding yourself which you expect from him or her.

Someone once told me ‘Things are not always black or white. Between these two extremes there are many shades of grey.” I personally don’t think its the same for every thing and every situation. Sometimes the option is either black or white. Any other shade is what people depict. But now that I think about it. I think we can apply this wisdom to a marriage bond.

Things are really not always black or white in this relationship. the person may tell you , you’re a headache but it is a high possibility that he has become immune to this migraine. Yes YOU!

Suppose your spouse comes  home, some argument comes up and  says – just out of the blue – I hate you. How will you react?

Hurt. Shocked. poisonous in many cases.Cause seriously, it is quite a painful word to hear from your spouse.

But if you’re smart , you’ll improvise and react in the most opposite manner. Use your humour side, romantic side or whatever side you think is best to identify the problem.

Keyword : IDENTIFY.

If you ask me , my reply would be something like this.

“Hate is a very hateful word. Let’s simply erase this word from our marriage dictionary’.

I know I know its very cheesy. Wanna try another option?

Okay. Just say thanks instead. and if still not satisfied. Try the best ‘Hate you back with love’ technique.

‘You didn’t like your school either. But It did educate you in the end dear , so please have some faith in me!!!’

:@

The next one is my favorite. I’m sure in near future there would come a time when My spouse would definitely tell me I am mad.

So I have already practised my line for that oscar moment.

Well  ‘You’re as crack as me. Together we can open a mental asylum. You can take care of me and I’ll do the same forever’!

I hope I have saved a marriage by this post. If not – at least I gave you all a good read and some hope for your marriage.

April 4, 2011

The Virtual Grave! Facebook Memorializing Service

by Khanum

I just came across a very strange thing on Facebook Tonight.  It was like the angel of death stood infont of me, Giving me a trailer or options  for  my future Facebook account.

Memorializing Service”

“When a user passes away, we memorialize their account to protect their privacy. Memorializing an account sets the account privacy so that only confirmed friends can see the profile or locate it in search. The Wall remains, so friends and family can leave posts in remembrance. Memorializing an account also prevents anyone from logging into the account.”

Okay, So That’s what They will do  with my virtual body after  I am dead – Shift my Facebook account to the social net workers’ cemetery and allow my friends to throw a flower or two on my grave once in awhile.

Berra Ghark!!!

I  read the content of the page further. I wanted to know how the memorializing is done. (Horrible Horrible and more Horrible)

The page read:


More curiosity, more tension.
Memorializing the account:
Please report this information here, so we can memorialize this person’s account. Memorializing the account restricts profile access to confirmed friends only. Please note that in order to protect the privacy of the deceased user, we cannot provide login information for the account to anyone.Removing the account:
Verified immediate family members may request the removal of a loved one’s account. This will completely remove the account from Facebook, so no one can view it. We will not restore the account or provide information on its content unless required by law. If you are requesting a removal and are not an immediate family member of the deceased, your request will not be processed. In this case, the account will be memorialized. 

If you are an immediate family member and would like to request that we remove your loved one’s account from the site, click here. You may also use this form if you have a special request regarding a deceased user’s account.”


I had instantly scrolled down further and read the whole paragraph for two major reasons.
First :  I realized few of the people in my list are very old. I may feel the need in future to report their account for memorializing  (In case they …u know what I mean ..) so I better know how to do it first.
Secondly : My Goodness! What If I pass away and people forget to report my account for memorializing? Out of sight out of mind. We have time for status updates these days, post videos, pass random comments on random pictures but hey! c’mon!   Its very hectic already. Who has time to stop by and notice if you’re freaking alive on facebook or not.
So I kept reading it and reading it – and the more I read the more depression it gave me.
It made me think of only  one thing. If I don’t better set an appointment or some settlement with facebook  in advance today that could notify them of my last breath, the moment I say my last Allah hu Akbar, If I don’t do this now – Tomorrow I would have  my FB deadbody swimming around in this virtual pool, floating  here and there, appearing up in SUGGESTIONS corner. Lurking like a ghost.
Berra Ghark!!! I don’t want that. Nobody would want that even for the real burial. Imagine for once you are dead in real, and nobody is bothering to dig up your grave and bury you ? Nobody is willing to spend on your Kaffan and give you the last bath. Or worse, they don’t know how to do it right.  It would be a one horrifying sight.
Ha Ha and Horrible !
The fun part was over for me.  A worry more natural and basic sometimes come to us shrouded in a comical attire.
I immediately typed ‘Quran on Burial’ on google  and several pages showed up – and that was not my first time for such research but a second attempt to dig deeper. The last time I was worried over right burial procedure of a Muslimah was when my grandmother had died. Some said this, others said that and May Allah forgive us, none of them agreed for once on a single thing so a third person had to be asked.
I, at that time just knew one thing. that nothing extra , whether cloth or any other item is to be buried down with her. We  go down, sleep in peace and rest  only in whites pieces of clothes. No fancy garments to make us look good to the angels, no ornaments or precious jewels to give them as a bribe. It is simply ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
My grandmother understood this well. And if anyone is to be taken as my mentor on simplicity in family: It would be her first and foremost.  She always wore plain and simple dresses. She even offered prayer before passing away , though she was on bed and hardly breathing.  It was her consciousness of the situation.
And then, there are those people. May Allah reward them abundantly for their humble actions – who prepare for their journey to the final abode in their lifetime , they buy their kaffan with their own Halal money and never depend on others. My Uncle, May Allah give him long healthy life – bought his kafan long ago and declared he is to be buried , shrouded in the same piece of clothes when his time comes. Neither sadness nor despair, but just God fearing heart and consciousness.I had gone all teary over this. You can’t think of  ur beloved’s kafan  without feeling the pain and then when you  think of  your kafan – you get the goosebumps.
How many of us know the formalities of a janazah? and how many of us are concerned with our proper burial once we depart from this world? Shouldn’t be a Muslimah concerned with who will be the one to enter the grave and lower her body? Facebook – twitter – my space ! These are not our abodes that we worry about our graves here Or “thikaney” as we speak in Urdu. It’s just a momentary hot spot where nobody would care if your account is memorialized or not, nor they should be.
We may live here for years and years, even after while we are gone. Appearing once in a blue moon on the side bar among other faces. Whenever they will upload pictures on their accounts- face suggestion would be made and they may remember us in that brief moment and cherish the memory sometimes curse it . But  Other than that –   Nothing else would make them hold us clear and near.
Not on facebook. Never on Facebook! Never on a cyber grave.
But perhaps, If We leave behind some good words, Yes unless we leave behind some good notes,   few words of wisdom, and spiritual healing to be remembered by. Then perhaps we have a good chance to live in people’s good actions.

 

March 21, 2011

Fire Exit – University se bichar kar haqeeqat khuli Faraz, duniya bohat haseen hai magar University ke saath

by Khanum

“Are You Single?” …”Ah…I wish”.

“Are YOU married?”  “Yes…”

“Hey, are you engaged?” …”Uh – well its complicated. ”

….”And hey what about you? Any chances of making us happy?” ….

“well, No. Not yet. I like being single” 🙂

Hmmmm… “So who misses University days?”

And they all Hail in Union. “AH … I MISS IT ALOT!”

———————-

Who doesnt, han? 🙂 I mean, I know we wanted to get out of their like prisoners wish to escape hell, But friends, who knew we would miss that jail on the Jail road later on?  I know why- Because they were the best days of our lives.

Same old class mates, same old ways…same old questions, but now when you bump into them so randomly at your Facebook . you realize, Their way of looking at life is now entirely different.

To begin with – they take life more seriously now. or should I put it bluntly. Life has put them under serious radar. 🙂

2: The family drama is no longer avoidable. University is no longer there to provide emergency escape. You can’t tell your parents, “Oh well – i have this very urgent assignement you see. I have to finish it by midnight – so if you please can excuse me from this family counselling.”

Nor Can you emotional blackmail them. “That’s it. I’m quitting studies. See – you have totally ruined my concentration , now I can’t study with all of your marriage nonsense , Mother. puhleese”

3. Most importantly, You have simply no excuse or reason to enter yourself in STUDENT competitions. Which pisses me off very frequently now. its like all the organizations decided to hold competitions right at the time when I passed out from my university. Dammit.

You can’t hangout alot, You can’t bunk on your family issues, You can’t call yourself a Student, and worse you feel this constant force to earn good for the sake of — well, whatever the reasons maybe.

Its different story for everyone BUT  with the same result. We all wish to go back to university and relive those days.

I Think, my friend. It wouldn’t be wrong to say… University was our “Fire exit”. If so… Then what a mind-boggling  fire exit it was.