Posts tagged ‘family’

March 14, 2012

Bye Bye Uncle…take my flowers with you..

by Khanum

My Uncle from UK is flying back to his home tonight.  And another special thing today was his Lecture at NCA on Rainforest conservation and something something. It’s basically his project from Kent University. So  According to my mother last night and her strict orders that somehow have no influence on me whatsoever , ‘today’ was meant to be ‘UNCLE DAY’ all the way from dawn till dusk.

“Would you get up now or want me to take off your blanket?” I heard a woman’s urgent voice saying something in my dream. Only to my horror, it was my mother standing near my bed in real. Berra Ghark! I had missed the BREAKFAST of the month.

“what time is it?”  I mumbled , my head still pressed over pillow.

“It’s 10.”  And I promised her to get up in exactly 15 mins.

A minute passed. I cast a look on the watch and suddenly it was 12:45.  I really hate it when clocks do that. Really. It drives you crazy how fast the clock runs when you actually want some sleep.

Anyways, having no interest in going to NCA too I made an excuse to sleep some more.

“jshsdduhudxuccudcfdccdceccfd”. This was my excuse.  And such a lame excuse it was , really. Everyone could see I am just mumbling mumbo jumbo in sleep so I can sleep like a dead all day long.

Right at that moment Molvi sahib also decided to give the azaan! Great! Ab tou uthna hi tha. I got up and by the time I offered prayer all were already gone except my mother. Another Great thing. Some peace at home but then my peace was destroyed. When I had entered my uncle’s room and saw all this stuff packed up some left out and everything giving vibes of someone leaving……it felt really strange.

I really felt I had missed great breakfast today morning. I looked at mum and she was peeling carrots to make “gaajar ka halwa for him” and I felt more sad.

Sometimes we miss out small things which make others happy and matter to them. I noticed, Ever since my uncle’s been home from UK, he’s been eating the simplest things and enjoying the simplest things at home that We in general find very ordinary and don’t even enjoy. He loves the flowers. He loves the tea. He loves the food. And he could not get enough of the SUN. He used to move his chair wherever the sunlight went. I asked him oneday why do you not leave the sun alone? .  He smiled and said , In England I have everything. But Not this kind of sun. Not this kind of tea. Not this kind of sounds of the birds at the background when I am sitting with you all in the evening and having “RUSKS”.  And specifically my dear Visha, I don’t have You people.

Ah… how terribly some people abroad – miss home.

Realising all this I decided to photo shoot some things and gift him some shots by the time he’s back from NCA. I went on to take several pictures of ordinary things that he’ll miss there. Flowers in the courtyard and small things which are his memories of  the visit.

Its not like they don’t have flowers there. It’s just – He won’t find the homely flowers anywhere else in the world.

I am not going to see him off at the airport tonight. I will be the oddest one to cry my heart out If I go , I know.

See the next post for photography.

February 10, 2012

For a Friend. For every Woman. For every Man.

by Khanum

For my Dearest Friend, Ladoo!

What is a woman?

A creature you cannot explain well. Don’t worry I am not even going to attempt it. I just wish to mention a feeling of her heart.  :  )

A Feeling so gentle and noble almost a smile if you wanna imagine.

Many girls when young dream of getting married. I used to have a class mate who whenever was asked ‘what’s your dream your life goal?’ she’ll give a dentonic smile, and say ‘SHADI!!!”

Once married, a woman’s ultimate dream is her husband. And then the love takes you to this budding desire, to have a baby. To give the man you belong to something of yourself. A part of you a part of him. An offspring in your arms. Apki omer ka Hasil. It’s a epitome of their love. It truly is a sheer source of joy for a woman. Absolutely nothing compares to motherhood. No jewel offered to the mother can make her compromise on this desire of hers. And why should she? : ) Isn’t it Allah’s blessing upon a woman to give birth, to be responsible for a life in this world.

Almost every couple wants a child immediately after marriage. Yes, trust me. Few men actually like the idea of being a dad. While others simply refuse to grow up but in the end even they have this desire and yearning for fatherhood. But the thing is, sometimes the plan a couple has made to have a child doesn’t go according to their dreams. Men may not feel this as much as women do and therefore, I want to say to my friend, it’s alright to be worried but Prayer is always around the corner. Its not even that far. It’s right here in your heart and hands. Trust Allah and let me help you supplicate to Allah well for a prince or a princess child.

I was going through the translation of Surah Maryam. And I noticed rather had a spiritual peace when I actually could grasp the crux of the ayahs. The beauty of the Quran is that you can immediately relate your worries with the events mentioned in Quran and the dua’s mentioned in verses supplicated by Prophets help you out. How? Cos they are not there for no reason. Allah swt mentioned it knowing you’ll read it someday here in this world at some point of your life and it will be your guiding light.

1. Kaf- Ha-Ya-‘Ain-Sad.

[These letters are one of the miracles of the Qur’an, and none but Allah (Alone) knows their meanings].

2. (This is) a mention of the mercy of your Lord to His slave Zakariya (Zachariah).

3. When he called out his Lord (Allah) a call in secret,

4. Saying: “My Lord! Indeed my bones have grown feeble, and grey hair has spread on my head, And I have never been unblest in my invocation to You, O my Lord!

5. “And Verily! I fear my relatives after me, since my wife is barren. So give me from Yourself an heir,

6. “Who shall inherit me, and inherit (also) the posterity of Ya’qub (Jacob) (inheritance of the religious knowledge and Prophethood, not the wealth, etc.). And make him, my Lord, one with whom You are Well-pleased!”.

7. (Allah said) “O Zakariya (Zachariah)! Verily, We give you the glad tidings of a son, His name will be Yahya (John). We have given that name to none before (him).”

8. He said: “My Lord! How can I have a son, when my wife is barren, and I have reached the extreme old age.”

9. He said: “So (it will be). Your Lord says; It is easy for Me. Certainly I have created you before, when you had been nothing!”

10. [Zakariya (Zachariah)] said: “My Lord! Appoint for me a sign.” He said: “Your sign is that you shall not speak unto mankind for three nights, though having no bodily defect.”

11. Then he came out to his people from Al-Mihrab (a praying place or a private room, etc.), he told them by signs to glorify Allah’s Praises in the morning and in the afternoon.

12. (It was said to his son): “O Yahya (John)! Hold fast the Scripture [the Taurat (Torah)].” And We gave him wisdom while yet a child.

13. And (made him) sympathetic to men as a mercy (or a grant) from Us, and pure from sins [i.e. Yahya (John)] and he was righteous,

14. And dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither an arrogant nor disobedient (to Allah or to his parents).

15. And Salamun (peace) be on him the day he was born, the day he dies, and the day he will be raised up to life (again)!

Look at the wording, the beauty , the strength and the wisdom behind the prayer of Hazrat Zakariyyah A.S. Spend few minutes reading it with your heart and teh Imaan behind it. You’ll find a miracle of Allah guiding your way.

1- The importance and power of Dua

2- The need to mention to Allah what you want why you want despite of your status in this world.

3- Allah gives. He is The All Power ful One!

The beauty of this prayer came before me twice.. Frist time I read it in Quran myself and later on I was watching this Islamic movie on Hazrat Maryam a.s. in which they beautifully described and presented this portion of the prayer. Once you understand it, you will realise that Hazrat Zakariya had no hope no scientific guarantee with him no doctor nothing but just Allah and kamil emaan in Allah’s power and love. Second point to be noted is the ultimate faith of Hazrat Zakariya in prayer. Look at the way Allah swt is speaking to us in Quran via His prophet that look he had the knowledge  I am old and my wife is barren. But yet he came to Me.

If you read the context of this prayer you’ll see Hazrat Zaakariya even though a prophet whose heart desires and wishes are known to Allah well, even he at this point after spending all his life finally realised that how come he had not made this dua before. How could he not mention this desire before to Him? and once he realised it. He prayed the most beautiful dua that if a non believer hears He’ll say look, he’s old plus his wife is barren but look he dares pray that give me a child Allah. People had laughed at Prophet zakariya even at that time and even today those who do not believe are likely to laugh. But does it matter? : ) Allah gave His Miracle. So pray. Couple whose reports are even okay and their age is even okay and everything is okay but just a child is not ready to come. Invoke Allah ! He’s waiting to give another miracle . He never runs out of it.

Do not despair and have firm faith. Have patience and take it as a test from Allah. What is a probability for us humans is a POSSIBILITY for Allah kareem. He’s GOD u know!! so make wudu and pray like it’s going to be answered right now. : ) May your child be a blessed one. Ameen.

P.S. When you recieve a miracle dear ladoo, dont forget to show him/her this post written by Khala Pervisha !  I love your child already.

I DONUT own the picture.

September 15, 2011

Why is there no Old Age Home for You Mother?

by Khanum

I have seen many people throwing their parents at the Old age Home. It seems like the Alzheimer part has been reversed. Instead of parents acquiring an age and forgetting flesh and blood not by will but by fate, their children are suffering from Deliberate Alzheimer and forgetting them for their personal good out of their own will.

On Eid day there was a news report on Geo TV on this issue. For them it may have been just a few minutes package to fill the time slot but the old and dying crippled mother waiting for her only son and daughter in law on that auspicious Day did not look like she could take it any longer. She said and I quote,

“….Where’s my son…? call my son…I’m scared..where’s my Akhter..” And her Akhter was no where in sight but having a blast at home with his new family.  I turned the tv off. And glanced at my own mother. A past reel began.

When I was about stuck between 8 and 7, the age where we are dragged by our feet to school functions, forced to perform ballads  in the name  of Performing arts. One fine morning the school maid came to our house. It was winters as far as I remember. I went to Blossom Public School then. Where I was to perform with a group of other kids a poem on the stage for which I needed a last minute rehearsal. It was cold and cruel to wake up  But I went with her anyway.

The rehearsals ended around 9 in the morning. I was annoyed by this time. No breakfast , no mama in sight. O Khudaya! Had she forgotten about me coming to school ? I felt terrified. Who were these people ? I did not want to stay there with them any longer. I would kick and yell and then the Teacher would soothe me down with her stare again. I would kick and yell again and she would hush me down yet once more.

This circus continued for eternity. I awaited my mother like a lover. She was nowhere in sight. I felt terrified.

Hours passed and then finally the show began. I was told to wait at the back stage for my turn. The day is quite clear in my memory. Because I was small and trying to look for my mother. I had fallen down from a bench where I stood at the back.  The kids laughed at this and this is where I really, really went hush. Few minutes pass, came my turn. I was soon carried up and placed on the stage in front of the audience. Have you ever felt a moment where you refuse to go on but have to anyhow? it was one of those times. I was a scared and forgotten cub….

That day has passed. I remember another similar incident.

It was a tough day on my grandmother. She did not feel well and was having trouble breathing. I watched her making efforts with her breath and was asked to recite Surah Yaseen by her bed.

It’s never easy…. To do this. I felt terrified again. I did not want to stay there any longer. My grandmother did listen to me reading while crying  but she did not remember this girl’s  face or any of us.

She was suffering from Alzheimer. I was suffering from fear of separation. I  was a scared and forgotten cub….again.

I would try to remind my nano again and again my name my relation with her , for a second she would smile like she remembers but then again she would forget. She was annoyed. She was terrified and she probably must  be thinking who are these people? I don’t want to stay here any longer…

It was devastating . I was the apple  of her eye and somehow it felt very hurtful that my grandmother has forgotten her only Pervisha ? That day I was forced to realize the cruelty of Alzheimer. And a fear penetrated my heart, what will happen if one day my own mother forgets my face? Can a child live if he is forgotten by his parents ? That too by a mother who was there at every step of his life? I was 7 again and I had two choices. To let her forget and be contended, or let her forget but remember the love we shared in my own memories again and again.

Sadly There are people who choose the former one. Like Akhter.

There is no Old Age home for my mother and there never will be one because that day my mother did come…she always had. I was in the middle of  twisting my arms here there on stage when my eyes fell upon her. I had made a homerun towards her like a crazy lover , ruining my performance and everything. And just when I was about to faint from fatigue of the day. She produced two slices of french toast in front of me like magic and hugged with all her heart.

I will hug you  the same Mama when you’re old.. scared and feeling like a forgotten cub..  That’s what the Prophets did. That’s what we as proper humans should do.

March 11, 2011

Shy & Lost

by Khanum

I’m insane, You’re drunk. Tell me who will lead us home?! …. pure words of wisdom , I learnt from Rumi. A great man who knew love has to be devastating. Whether for Lord or for a mere human. It has its melodramatic phases. Its strange levels. Levels that make one go happily nuts and sometimes broke.

I have this habit, re phrasing the phrases. Re-inventing the quotations. And when I try to connect these words to my life, when I make a quote out of Rumi’s lines from a poem contrasting my  existence. My own  dilemmas become more clear to me. And I begin to wonder how great Rumi was. The man spoke our lives in a poem. In a mere sufi poem.

“I’m shy , you are lost. Tell me who will lead us to our home?”

And then I ask myself. Have you found your Home yet ? Have you even found your own self ?

I don’t know. I may be the lost one here when I am actually also the shy. Which is why all my friends are always trying to make it up for my shyness. They simply start the I’m sure we all go through it at some point of our lives. It sucks. I think, it’s worse than being shy. But in several cultures, matchmaking is what leads one to his/her home. A home where only a handful stay happy while others simply live a miserable relation.  Risky , but Hey! Nobody can escape this thing.  A leap of faith we all must take in life.

And The thing with life is, nothing is certain.

You cannot plan your entire existence. If you do , fate will find a way to throw you off balance and make you understand what a low life you are. Then there would come a time when you will give up on planning and wait for things to go in the flow. And guess what ! fate will again throw you off balance and make you regret why you didn’t plan man!?

And I think same goes for finding a partner, with whom you can sail away , climb up the mountains without any worry because you know, Home is this way, with this person who is walking right with me. You come to a point to finally plan things. You do it with all your heart and again …. yes ! Fate. It may give you surprises. and those surprises are what I believe, Rumi was also well acquainted with. Who decides to walk with you, with whom YOU decide to walk and most importantly …how many earnestly and safely reach their home is what our lives revolve around.

Didn’t Adam ask for eve from God?  How beautiful it was what they shared. A marriage in heaven.

Then didn’t they both find each other again after being lost? How honest it was and pure, what they did for each other. It’s all very melodramatic and more melodramatic. I say the word twice because honestly I kan’t think of any other and more melodramatic adjective to describe the feeling . Adam was the height of gentleness and Eve…Our beloved eve the purest of all women. He knew his way with her and he made it to their home.

Either you’re a a man or a woman, You must know where you stand. Do you even know You’re the shy one or the lost stranger?. Because if You don’t Its my advice friend, Do find out yourself first before you expect other one to start searching for your soul.

Valetine’s Day did the trick for me.

And when I mention Valentine’s day – I meant The Movie.

I watched it tonight few hours ago and as I type this post – I am still smiling on the surprises I got from the movie. It spoke to me. And I am speaking to you now.

The characters were running frantically here and there , all looking for the perfect partner. All trying to figure out the way home on a huge day we call as Valentine’s. The deceits and lies and then pop ups surprises of honesty kept unfolding the plot further and further. My goodness,  Several love stories played in One big plot.  It should have bored me to death.

Instead , I fell in love with one tiny story among several. Story of Julia Roberts & Bradley Cooper. A poised graceful woman with a Sophisticated  (tie shie) gentleman. I immensely hoped a romance between the two and a honest relation. And it could have been possible. But hey! What did I say about surprises!? They didn’t end up together but yet I watched the whole movie only for them.

I did it, because I could relate to them. And I bet, even you would want to fall into such situation where you either met Julia or Bradley like person. Everything about the character of Bradley cooper was what every woman would want in a man. And every gesture, every graceful act of Julia robert’s  is what I believe ,a sincere man would look for in a woman.  But when I look around, I don’t see the kind of honesty which Adam shared with eve in people now a days. the kind of manners Bradley Cooper showed towards Julia Roberts in the movie. And it clicked me. He wasn’t Lost like most of the male society today is. He was a real Man!!! so what if he was shy. She wasn’t lost either, but merely a real Woman with reserved sense. And together they made the equation equals to  a state which could lead them home together if they chose to. No deceits involved, no lies. Just a step ahead and they could have a perfect life together.

It could have been possible yes, Only if the writer hadn’t choose to write Mr. Perfect Bradley as gay in the end.

And Julia, as a sad mother.

I would never forgive the writer for writing such a awesome story and ruin it with a hopeless end. Buy Hey! If you want to learn anything good out of it. Learn this. It’s okay to be shy. And its okay to be lost sometimes nobody is perfect. But  IT – IS – NOT – OKAY when you ruin yourself for eternity by being utterly shy and dangerously lost forever.

Adam and Eve set a beautiful example of  the most wonderful relation in the entire universe. He could have asked for a mother to Lord in the Heavens. But he didn’t. And even Lord could have given him a woman in the form of a mother but He didn’t. He blessed him with a wife instead.

And together, they walked home. Blissed.

Wouldn’t you want such a blessed romantic walk ? Honesty forever. Wouldn’t you ?

March 9, 2011

Her Heavenly Abode …

by Khanum


A letter to a friend far away

Sometimes to say good bye to someone you love is quite impossible. It is easy to say “see u later” instead.  But at a certain time in your life, there comes a moment when you have to face it.  You have to let go of someone you dearly loved whole your life. No matter how hard you pray, the wise men know there is simply no trade on death with God. As every soul shall have the taste of His decree. Such a bitter loss my friend, that has its shooting pain. I can only imagine as my time is yet to come, how painful it might have been for my friend, I can do nothing but only imagine.

If life is a book of colorful pages, I cherish its each color I shared with you. Colors of laughter love and joy….emotions I can never pen down. Such were the 20 young pages of my life with 85 of yours. Your companionship was indeed incomparable to any other object of the world. But holy wisdom lies in a calm surrender my friend; life is in fact no more than a brief existence, and we are sole travelers. It’s neither ours to give nor ours to take. Like a shell imprisoning the pearl. This body is a prison for the soul that demands to fly away one day, without any khalil, up onto the final abode. Where He has blessed: the Prophets, the foremost believers, martyrs and the righteous ones. So, today is a plain deal my friend, conditioned by death and remorse, tomorrow all the spirited ones leave the world at a constant loss.

Indeed sometimes to say goodbye to someone you love is quite impossible.

I know memories tend to fade away but they say heart retains its scars longer than any other part of the body. Along with the pleasant memories I hold in my heart, there are some regrets too that make me ache but make me love you more and more with each passing moon. Surely, I stand firm because of Him whose love is greater than our disappointments. It’s not easy my friend, but it’s His decree. I hear, I obey and surrender. So does every man.

You have gone away my friend. Your soul is free. But you’re still alive in my heart. I like to go back in time and remember old days, our offering juma prayer together in your favorite mosque, that white dress of yours and your beautiful emmbroided veil, a veil that sheltered me once from the sunrays, on our return to home.; your old kind eyes full of wisdom and your gentle calm face. The times you used to sit by my side whenever I was sick and pray with tears in your tender eyes. I still dream of your hands my friend, when I think of you, so soft like silk caressing my teary face.

Indeed sometimes to say goodbye to someone you love is quite impossible.

They say I am your reflection my friend, what a lie they tell. How could I possibly be pious as you? You were the height of righteousness while I ….Oh! How badly I wish, if I could turn the time back and end my grief. How badly I desire to right the wrongs of my yesterday, bring you back and sit next to you again. But Alas! Life is momentary and uncertain my friend, death is its part.

As patience is retained by the desert without rain, I shall have patience and remember you as my friend, O my beloved Nana. I shall pass your love to my children’s children. I shall walk on your footsteps and keep you alive in my heart. As time goes by, my memories will fade away but I shall always remember the one who caressed me and took my worries away. You and I belong to different worlds now but death is only a pause in this momentary life, a new life awaits. So when He will shower His rain upon me I shall meet you again. Until then I pray thee peace, my friend, whenever I kneel before Him in my prayer. I’ll grow older and older with each fleeting moment and memories will grow fainter so they say, but as long as my mortal heart will beat, I’ll keep in heart the day the angel of death took you to your heavenly abode…

Indeed sometimes to say good bye to someone you love is quite impossible.

But …We All belong to Allah my friend, to Him we return!

May Allah rest your soul in peace, my beloved Nana! I miss you. But One day, if Allah wills, we’ll surely meet.


Verily, Allah! Unto Him belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth, He gives life and He causes death. And besides Allah you have neither any Wali nor any helper.

Al Qur’an – Surah Taubah: 116

(In loving memory of my Nano… )

February 27, 2011

Ordinary Objects, EXTRA Ordinary Lives !!!

by Khanum

Take  good look at the Image below. What is it to you ? A picture showcasing a plastic object. Of course, just a spoon. Its an ordinary Object of daily use for many of us.

But not to me !  I Adore this Spoon with all my heart.

2011 , February 26. I marched into the kitchen  shouting for tea,  with camera dangling around my neck. It was  a busy day at home where I was the photographer for the seasonal party  with cousins , their brat children, old aunties and uncles. So Naturally, because it had been such a tiring time, Pakistanis can only yearn for one thing at such a moment. A good big mug of  black tea… made by none other than their all time favorite person.  Mum.

I found her in the kitchen and Thank God She was already making some . The water had been boiled and as she was standing holding a spoonful of  Lipton’s crushed tea leaves ”chai ki patti” as we call it, ready to throw in it.

I sighed and passed a comment on the spoon she used everyday to do that.

“Tell me something , mama’ I started, ‘…Don’t you get tired of it. Buss karedey ab isko.’

She turned back and asked what was I referring to. And once she knew, she started laughing at me.

‘This spoon is no ordinary spoon, Pervisha. Take a good look at it. Read what it says!’

‘It says …Um…it says Meiji.’ I read the name on it and still no extra ordinary reason popped up into my mind , so important as to keep it. But mothers – Ah. Our lovely dear and Wise mothers always have wisdoms in their Kitchen — and in every utensil that they keep. It took her only 1 minute to make this spoon  look extra ordinary from just an ordinary one to me. Let me tell you it’s story as it was told to me.

19bla bla October 5.  “A weak baby girl named Pervisha came in this world –seemingly crying but happy–  to join Khan Family. Everybody loved and cared for her. But Her mother loved her the most. She nourished her with everything best.  And soon, with the blessings of Allah Almighty,  the baby girl was a healthy toddler. However, when she reached  a certain age.   She became to develop lactose intolerance. It is the inability to metabolize lactose (a sugar found in milk and milk products), because of a lack of the required enzyme lactase in the digestive system… so unlike every other child who can drink normal milk every other day and digest it easily… This baby could not do so. So she was put on a special milk diet. Either it’s special powder milk or no milk at all.”


“Oh For God’s Sake Pervisha! I was getting to it — You simply ruined the history rewind moment for me –The spoon came along with the special Meiji powder Milk  I bought for you back then. Now get out”

‘Awwwwww ..Mother!!! You  kept it with you till now. How nice of you and … well- sort of weird.’

And ‘PATHAAKK’ , She threw me out of her historic Kitchen.  I wonder what’s more in there. You’ll me amazed If I tell you what was next.

Take a Good look at this brush for an instance! (Again. its not just a brush. If your mother asks you to take a gooood goood look at something – Trust me – it’s definitely going be something related to you in the past or either she just wants u to own it in the future.)

So this brush! Yes – It also has epic  history.  Though my mother now uses it to wash most of her kitchen utensils. But its real and Original use was back in 1990’s. This was bought along with the other baby stuff by her  and ‘it’ played a very vital role in washing & cleaning up my baby feeders — in which I used to drink up MEIJI MILK 😀

There’s a historical Cooking range as well. But my mother has kicked me out of the kitchen and wouldn’t let me distract her more.

😀 Go ! explore your own kitchen or your room ! You may find something cool – Perhaps a diaper.