Posts tagged ‘Humor’

September 22, 2013

I’ve a News. I’ve a NEWS !

by Khanum

Part I – Has it ever happened to you that you put on an old favorite song and it took you back to the time when you were actually introduced to it? It happens to me alot. I ain’t into music but the few collection of nasheed on my list have memories attached with them. Surprisingly, the one am listening right now took me back to the kind of feeling that I once got when I desperately wanted to visit a certain country , it’s specific city and all the amazing places around it. United kingdom. Though I have my uncle living there but a ticket to UK is amazingly expensive so I guess I am better at home, ogling at places surfing net and pretend like I don’t care.

Well I do care. For this amazing place  >>>  National Space Center – Sir Patrick Moore Planetarium  O_O I ‘m in awe of such places and one day ladies & gentlemen – Insha Allah, *when I grow up, since am a toddler* I aim to visit all the great planetariums of the world just cause the one we got here by PIA sucks. Trust me. I have even done a news report on that.

Iran has got a super dooper planetrium too I heard, so do all developed nations. That’s right. They are science friendly people and realize the importance of a spaceship to educate the elderly children.

Let’s check out another astounding picture of UK  I got my eyes on.

 MOUNT BLANC. 

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According to a website, this is actually the Observatory Gully on Ben Nevis in the Lochaber area of the Scottish Highlands. Standing at 1,344 metres (4,409 ft) above sea level, it’s the highest mountain in the UK. Waow!

This is obviously not the end of the world for me. England is not my top priority. I wish to visit many places, Egypt is one of them but most importantly, I long to go back to Saudia and Turkey to be very frank. I’ve got heart attached to it. And you know what my main fantasy is when I actually go anywhere? – FOOD!

Now moving on.

Part II – I started reading my emails just few mins ago and came across some old emails – kind of wordpress notifiations of posts that peopleliked earlier. Some dated almost a year back. One click led me to another and I ended up reading the posts the people liked. Oh my God, I realised how awesome I was at my blog.

Check out some posts urself.

My Perfect Lil stroll in the Morning.

Believe it or not I can actually Draw!

You’re as crack as me, Together we can open a mental Assylum!

Let’s go to Egypt. Not.

No Jokes please. No Jokes. Oh I really still crack at this one alot.

KhanumSays did entertain you people in every post, man! Damn. I miss that time when I actually had time to post. Must get that time back.

Part III – The news. I’m ill. Not too severe – but it’s bit worrying. As I’ll be at loss if I don’t recover soon. Anywho, I won’t go into details. But I must ask you guys, to treat me nice. Comment as much as much possible to pamper and adore khanum. And most importantly, Pray.  ^_^

May Allah be with ya all, now am off for breakfast. Toodles!

July 24, 2012

Saieen Saieen Saieen!

by Khanum

What should I write? WHAT should I write? WHAT I SHOULD I WRITEEEE???

uhhh I have been going crazy lately thinking of a post.

Spirituality ? No. I am keeping it personal.

Ramadan wishes? No. Every blog is talking over it.

Food? A BIG NO! I am bored of food posts lately.

Photography ? Nooo, that too has some issues lately.

What’s left then.

ONLY SAIEEN!

I heard a lot over Saieen creature. Like Saieen ka facebook bhi saieen , saieen ki moonch bhi saieen but I had no idea what saieen is all about until in the morning my cousin actually showed me the hilarious WADEIRE KA BETA moves and told what the mania is about! Well, its a song! Yes A damn song based on a comedy sketch by Ali Gul Pir. And apparently Everybody is in Saieen fever these days!

This character reminded me of Zardari, his son and those lazy people in this world who are so Saieen-ish that they joke even on the very practice of Ramadan.

How ?

Observing fast without praying is like sucking up the sheesha pipe without burning the coal, you ain’t getting anything out of it bro! — A bro said on Twitter.

Now please focus on PRAYING AND FASTING rather then sheesha! The point is that without 5 times prayer and other obligatory practices during fasting you are just being lazy and a Saieen! Yes! People who do ‘shahi’ roza are doing Saieen roza ! Please stop doing that. This is not just about giving up food and water. Fasting is about spending your entire time the way Allah wants you to, to come closer to Him and Jannah. Besides, who knows, this could be your last Ramadan. So if you had the chance to change your fate this month, would ya? 🙂  *Brave style*

I guess I have successfully made an awesome point after days! Phew! See ya after more prolonged days now! And Ramadan Kareem to all.

Assalam o alaikum!

October 12, 2011

My Teachers talk to me about Marriage during Class on Research.

by Khanum

Who discusses Damon and Allena from vampire Diaries in their class of  —- International Communication? – My mate sitting next to me. Hira.

And who discusses Marriage on Orientation Day in the conference room (again ) ? Hira and Me!? No. it wasn’t us this time. It were our Teachers.

Let me elaborate this new style of Mphil madness here.

First Day for University . I break  all the 5 mandatory  oaths I had taken earlier.

To begin with I got late. Secondly, I never bothered to dress up properly! Leave alone the ‘normal girl make up’ thing. Thirdly – I pretty much IGNORED the whole orientation class. Why must they torture us with introductions ? It’s not like we’re gonna disappear from Mphil the next day. 😮

4th – I pretty much kill the whole point of being an obedient student when I arrive late, obviously. And Lastly – I couldn’t resist the junk food from the canteen. thank you very much. Now lets move on to our 2nd day.

What I studied Today At my University. 

1- In ‘International Communication’ Class: 

– What is your Name?

– Why Mphil ?

– Why not Marriage?

– Then , Why Marriage ?

– But, what is Marriage ?

– Types of Marriage!

– Reasons why Marriages fail !

– Should the couple live seperate after marriage or with the whole household of Relatives?

– Career or Marriage?

– But why career and not Marriage?

– Ok – Marriage! Hmm! But why not career then?! :S

– And Finally, Men are pigs!

2In ‘Approaches to Communication Studies’ Class

Something something something …Marriage…something something something then again Marriage …something something something and again…U know what.. 🙂

3- In ‘Managing Information’ Class

Something something something errrrrrrr!  I have nothing to make fun of this lecture. We Actually studied during this one. Phew!! Many thanks to the Creator! And the Male professor!

So that’s what I did today. We discussed lots of aspect of Marriage. I think, The teacher did mention a homework on it’s points rather. Hmmm…yeah m sure. She asked to write something.

5 Annoying Reasons – How Partners in Marriage Fail  & disappoint Eachother!

1- They refuse to like eachother

2- Less/No communication

3- Misunderstandings created by most of the times by in laws.

4- Some of them mourn the loss of their ‘single lifestyle routine’.

5- The unnecessary connections (keyword: Unnecessary) with opposite gender. (This does lead u to many dark holes in Marriage, especially Muslim Marriages. It makes your partner feel left out and makes him/her only the object of physical satisfaction) Very bad!

I just pray that tomorrow we don’t get to discuss the divorce theory! I will certainly die then you know :S  …Ah! The things we Research Students have to go through!!!

May 31, 2011

Will your Colleague ever change?

by Khanum

Sitting at my seat in my allotted area at the workplace  : And counting down the Yahoo’s and Not-so-Yahoo things of today.

Yahoo No. 1 : Boss is not In. Nobody is pushing the  beings to work. Heaven!

Confused Yahoo : 2- Summer Camp is on.

3 – I’m tired of taking funny pictures of  EACH and EVERY activity. Definitely A boo-hoo Yahoo.

4- It’s insanely hot in Lahore. Bohoo!

5- Read the newspaper accident-ly today. The front news was way devastating. Now I’m worrying how will the poor mother of recently martyred Pakistani Soldier live ?

She. is. Alone. No Yahoo!

6- I need vacations. YES YES YAHOOOOOOO!

7- First Ineed money for vacations. Dang it! Why a bohoo must come after every yahoo.

8- I need to learn Turkish proper. 😦 Naaaah!

9- Have to loose the grudge against Turkish class homework first.

10- And  now Let me just tag line my major problem of Today , To which I dedicated the Title!.

Aha! The pen you lend to a colleague in office will never make its way back to you. Ever. Mark my words. A Ghostly colleague , (When I say Ghostly it probably means I have no idea who’s the real culprit )borrowed a red pen from me 3 days ago and its still hasn’t been returned. Funny Office Stuff, eh! The Mother of All bohooz! Will your Colleague ever change?

Allah! I have no hope.

So I started Taking pictures,  randomly.  What else will you do  at your workplace, Besides work ?

May 21, 2011

A Boss That Seldom Smiles

by Khanum

Getting to know Turks.

Working with PakTurk.

Getting to know the feeling of Having a Boss (who also happens to be a Turk)

As if that’s not enough.

Planning to  meet more turks.

Happy with Turks.

Annoyed with Turks.

And that’s how my day starts and ends. “Turks Turks Turks”.

——————————

This note has already been typed and published in a dungeon called as  my brain. There, I have already  gone through each and every exhausting detail of my time today and relieved myself of my previusly felt temper. Now, it’s just a formality that  I type. In hope, that every boss and employee reads it.

“Is this okay sir?”

“yes, yes. Its good.”

“okay. I’ll be back.”

—– Few minutes later

“Here it is.”

“What is this , Miss Pervisha?”

“What is what , sir?”

“This… Miss Pervisha”

(Miss Pervisha confused)

“Its the design you approved, Sir”

“No no I don’t like this. this should be like that and that should be like this —”

Can somebody here  relate to it… !? 🙂  I know, That’s not the time when we no longer wish to be employed. People do have double minds. I sometimes suffers from lack of decision too. That’s fine that’s okay. Its a part of every job. But the problem starts,  when the boss declares a war upon you without a genuine reason. Uses an alien tone that you seriously don’t deserve. And that too, infront of others.

“DOn’t you then feel like using the same tone back?” …It’s really hurtful and I’m sorry to say to all the bossess out there: It’s unlike What our Prophet Muhammad Peace be upon him taught us.

Once there was a person who urinated in the Holy Masjid of Madina. Al the companions of Prophet Peace be upon him present there became angry and wanted to shout at him. Why wouldn’t they? He had urinated in the place where they postrated 5 times a day before Allah. He deserved to be shouted at. But what did our Prophet peace be upon him do?

He goes to the person, takes him to the side and with decorum and patience , tells him not to repeat such action.

How justified was his action and how wise , how humble. Had  the Prophet treated him with harsh words and insulting strategy, Who knows the person had come to that same place again and urinated just to get even.

If the person who ommitted such a mistake gets to be treated with kindness, why not a Muslim boss of today have the heart to be kind with his already hardworking  and loyal people?

Allah knows best, why people interact in such manner. I have never understood this alien reason. To have a boss who seldom smiles. Seldom appreciates may not be a reason to quit on doing hardwork but what’s criminal here is the fact that He even forgets the little appreciation you had earned earlier.

Lets flip to the other side!

4 years back I found myself in a trouble with one of my teachers. I had every ounce of belief that I am not liked by her. No matter what I did, I always received a cold tone. Quit on her, that was my only plan. But before that I tried my luck with her once more, that too upon the insist from my uncle.

he had convinced me that its not her , its You Pervisha That’s not paying her attention.

Confused and frustrated, I had protested upon this absurd accusation. How come I am not paying attention , han? I sit at the front. I perform well in the papers. I never miss her class, yet she’s not pleased with me. What the heck is wrong !!!!!!! Why does she never smile?

He was right. I was not paying her attention.

The next day, I started from the scratch. Always on time – sometimes late too but always sat at front. Okay, sometimes became a back bencher too but onething I never forgot to practice with her. I looked in her eyes always and just smiled.

1 day, one week, one month and within a semester of 6 months , I felt she began to smile back.

That’s called paying attention. I had asked myself, who knows what problem she faces at home or what troubles she goes through before reaching you people at University.You cannot expect somebody to be kind and justified with you all the time. But again, it is also a part of our deen to be humble with eachother and not be harsh. As we all our fighting our wars each day. So, its upto us. Which side we wants to be on… Prophet’s or Satan’s. Hopeful or Hurtful.

Its very important to choose well, otherwise the same sad and pathetic cycle of hurt keeps circulating and rortating itself  Your boss shouts at you, you come home looking grim and starts shouting at your family because you got shouted at, then the next thing you know , your family starts shouting at neighbours because you put them in the grim mood in the first place which was done by your Boss in reality when he shouted at you! Allah hu Akbar! Be reasonable.

I pray , Allah softens up the heart of every boss to acknowledge the efforts of his workers, may His problems get solved soon  so that he stops making the staff unhappy . And May Allah gives all the staff members the heart to be loyal and understanding with their head. No doubt, every man has a great side to him. His great side is the God fearing Heart, that senses the hurt done to other people.

Now for the laugh: A day back in administration meeting, I was doodling on my journal while peeking at my boss’s monitor screen now and then. “In Tolerance, be like the sea.” ‘Rumi’ He was typing…

I thought it was a cool line.  I hurriedly noted it down on my journal. Only an hour later I realised I had made a big blunder.”In Tolerance, Be like the Tea” .

Now that I think about it. this version may also get passed as a classic  quotation of the year.

May 9, 2011

The Soundbox

by Khanum

In the Name of Allah the Most Merciful and my Ever Living source of Light.

“I was trying to communicate with my mother with my hand gestures and sign language. She was having difficulty understanding the things I said as usual, so she told me to stop and wait for awhile till we were back at home.

I could not help but sit silently.

I had no balance in my cell which meant I couldn’t even text her and describe what I wanted.

“Excuse me” A voice so supple said to me. I looked up and asked….with my eyes. “Yes?”

“Can I sit with you?.”

I said.”Yes” with my eyes again.

I moved a bit on the side to give the woman some space to be seated.

Few minutes passed and I realized not only the woman I gave the seat to, rather all the women in the waiting lounge had their eyes on me and my hand gestures. I should have become used to it by now but still it made me a bit uncomfortable. Such pity there was in their eyes, I could easily read it but do nothing except pass a faint smile.

By the time the clock ticked out more few minutes,  My mother and i were back to our former discussion over my day activities and I once again tried to explain to her the words I could not mouth.

“I got back from work around 3 today. And you were asleep” I did some hand actions. “So after having lunch I also went to bed.”

“Okay okay…but you have to take a leave for tomorrow.”

“No. i can’t” I said back. And thanked God she was getting what I meant.

There was kindness in my mother’s eyes over the things i was telling her by signs. And I could understand that pity but what i did not get was the reaction of other women  – staring at me and saying – tsk tsk.

Khair, my deaf and dumb routine continued. and when the woman next to me no longer could take it, she finally passed her condolences to my mother – over my condition.

She thought I was deaf and dumb.

Mum thought it was hilarious.

And I think, I have been really a laughing stock over the past few days for everyone around me, yet it wasn’t bad enough.

‘Temporary Voice Loss’ was all that i was sufering from. I had been wearing ‘Cannot speak’ tag at my work place. Yes, people did pass a laugh or two over it but gradually everyone around me became to somehow learn a lesson from this ‘temporary loss’ of mine and bring me comfort. For a start, they paid more attention to my silence. For a change, even i PAID more attention to my own silence. I remember a  senior colleague passing a comment, ‘Miss pervisha aj bohat sukoon mai lag rahi hain’.

Then , secondly, as i wasn’t speaking at all, colleagues at work didnt come to me for gossip.

Heaven!!! I was saved from evil talk. El hamdulillah.

Thirdly, the absence of voice from natural sounbox …really gave a whole new perspective on  its proper usage. SubhanAllah! El Hamdulillah! Allahu Akbar.

Few days back, Nisaar.Y.Nadiadwala , An Islamic scholar ,  was not well. He excused himself from the facebook for awhile and when he returned, we were rewarded with a thoughtful note from his side. His musings were of excellent quality. Musings on life and the blessing of health after sickness.

My sickness may not be of that major type to inspire me with such great thoughts from within. Seriously… It was just a vocal cords infectiion, nothing to dance  about. And I would have regained health just like that without realising why I got sick in the first place – But you know Allah…He has His ways of showing us where we are and where in reality, He wants us to be.

el hamdulillah, I did get to see a brighter side,  a lesson from this illness. And this is what He wanted me to see.

I regained my voice yesterday evening , it was really something like a celebration for my mother. She missed hearing my voice aftr all. I missed my very personal soundbox too. Let’s  hope I don’t loose it again. Amen!

April 18, 2011

You’re as crack as me, together we can open a mental asylum!

by Khanum

Okay!!! I am very excited about this post Because Insha Allah, this time I’m hopeful  I’ll’ make it to the PUBLISH button and not the Save draft thing.

The idea of this post popped up in my brain while surfing Facebook. HAPPY MUSLIM HUSBAND & WIFE page is a very good and positive link for people who are either married or interested in sincere and Halal relationships.

Today, this page came up with a new status update:

Lets do something special for our spouse today 🙂
please share some ideas 🙂

My immediate response was this:

sometimes we do so much but never sit with them to tell them how important they are, and at times it happens, we do all the talking, and no sincere actions. Just whateva you decide to do, please make sure you express love and be honest.

I thought I was the first one to respond on the status but oh boy! There came a flood of comments. someone suggesting a massage , another recommending ‘buy her a car’ joke. This comment was really too much and definitely a product of a sister’s imagination but anyway, A bother was quick enough to correct her by simply exposing his ‘are-you-kidding-me-woman?’ smile.Right after I made my comment , someone responded saying,  i don’t have a spouse 😥 i am not married . ANd this is when I realised, I’m a natural at this baby I’m a natural. LOL.

You see, Neither am I married nor engaged, but still i give people tips as if I know what marriage is. Does this make me a psychologist? Hell no, though It probably should but no – I am just Khanum.

I have this habit of re-phrasing the phrases ( I have mentioned this quite often) and then there’s another habit which I call as ‘Putting myself in my own  future shoes’. Now let me elaborate this one.

Few days earlier, Tien came up with a post on how fun it is to play pretend pretend. My latter habit is quite similar to that ‘pretending game’. As a kid I used to imagine myself as a doctor. then the imagination got louder and God knows what other professions I made fun of. We all have been there. Where once in awhile, we all imagine ourselves as the ‘other half’ of someone. There’s really no shame in admitting it. Rewind your memories and go back to the time when you played with your siblings or cousins. What was the most played game on sunday at home? Poker?

In my case it always was ‘Wedding wedding’ or either ‘tea party’.

I used to dress up as the host and welcome my ‘imaginary husband’s parents to my home’ 😛 LOL..mother in law played by my 3 years old cousin still in her diapers and father in law by my other cousin – another diapered bottom.

This used to be quite a lot of fun. And still, the things are quite the same . Only the need to have real time actors is not there. the diapered bottom cousin is all grown up. I can’t possibly ask her and him to play that game again SO what do I do?

I improvise.

And improvise for what?

For the sake of having a better understanding of my …… ‘Future shoes’.. 😀

I imagine myself in the shoe of a wife and try to see things from a different perspective. Sometimes, it’s me versus ‘him’ , at times it’s me versus ‘everything’, but the most favourite part is when it’s ‘us’ versus everyone else.

Its very easy, you should also try. If any friend tells you I’m having this non sense or that arguement or that thing is my new headache in marriage ,  simply think from your perspective and answer her/him. This exercise apart from the joke part gives quite a sense of how to deal with people in problematic situations and most importantly gives you insight on how YOU would  respond to your own chaos. Although we all pray we end up with a nice person a sincere one upon which we can rely anytime. But c’mon lets face it. Not everyone is an exceptional case. You may end up with a total weirdo. What would you do then? Alot of women do complain of this fact. They are not afraid of marriage but simply afraid of ending up with a wrong person.

What should be done? Improvisation my friend, compromise and improvise.

I laugh when laughing is required. And yet I am a very serious type of person that my family is actually quite confused about me. But when it comes to a marriage, I would say – It’s an amalgamation of both emotions. Make sure you return the equal amount of understanding yourself which you expect from him or her.

Someone once told me ‘Things are not always black or white. Between these two extremes there are many shades of grey.” I personally don’t think its the same for every thing and every situation. Sometimes the option is either black or white. Any other shade is what people depict. But now that I think about it. I think we can apply this wisdom to a marriage bond.

Things are really not always black or white in this relationship. the person may tell you , you’re a headache but it is a high possibility that he has become immune to this migraine. Yes YOU!

Suppose your spouse comes  home, some argument comes up and  says – just out of the blue – I hate you. How will you react?

Hurt. Shocked. poisonous in many cases.Cause seriously, it is quite a painful word to hear from your spouse.

But if you’re smart , you’ll improvise and react in the most opposite manner. Use your humour side, romantic side or whatever side you think is best to identify the problem.

Keyword : IDENTIFY.

If you ask me , my reply would be something like this.

“Hate is a very hateful word. Let’s simply erase this word from our marriage dictionary’.

I know I know its very cheesy. Wanna try another option?

Okay. Just say thanks instead. and if still not satisfied. Try the best ‘Hate you back with love’ technique.

‘You didn’t like your school either. But It did educate you in the end dear , so please have some faith in me!!!’

:@

The next one is my favorite. I’m sure in near future there would come a time when My spouse would definitely tell me I am mad.

So I have already practised my line for that oscar moment.

Well  ‘You’re as crack as me. Together we can open a mental asylum. You can take care of me and I’ll do the same forever’!

I hope I have saved a marriage by this post. If not – at least I gave you all a good read and some hope for your marriage.