Posts tagged ‘women’

December 7, 2013

Ways to Stay Proactive for Single Muslimahs

by Khanum

“Our Lord, perfect for us our light and forgive us. Indeed, You are over all things competent.” [Qur’an: Chapter 66, Verse 8]

We all wish to marry and settle down with a comforting partner in our lives. Especially women. They begin to hope and dream of a husband usually during their teens. The budding desire to have half our deen completed as soon as possible is quite strong in women. Women want to have a spouse who practically makes her life incredible with each passing moon, and kids who make her home a heaven. Truly, which woman wouldn’t want a picture perfect family in her life?

Every female wants this dream. And with this desire, comes a pressure for many Muslim females i.e., getting married at a youthful age. That’s right. While men do not deal with this pressure, many women do. The younger, the better.

On the other hand this tradition often leads towards too many low self-esteem points for single sisters out there who haven’t found their other half yet and feel like they are either forever alone or forever destined to be single.

Soon, they begin to develop serious depression as they watch their friends and even younger peers get married. Many are even left feeling like their youth is wasted if they are not married while they are young.

This article is penned down as a gift and advice from one single sister for her other single sisters out there who are feeling down and need help to see the light of iman. I hope that you can gain wisdom from this and beat the obstacles to being productive, as Islam inspires us to do.

Identify the Negative Thoughts That’s Bringing You Down

The first and most foremost step is to realise the basic things that disturb you regarding your single marital status. Then using Hikmah, overcome that notion with a highly productive and halal thing in life to turn your sad days into blissful ones.

I have listed below major thoughts that come to mind and lure us towards negativity. Hunt them down, sisters – with antidotes! – before they hunt you down.

  1. What good I am if am not married in youthful age?
  2. Oh! What would become of me if I cross 25! I’ll get even older.
  3. How will I enjoy my life if I am not married soon?
  4. Oh no! What would my relatives say! She finished her studies but she’s still not married?!
  5. Why has Allah (glorified and exalted be He) put me through this?
  6. I have to hunt a husband soon or I’ll be too old to get married one day.
  7. Am I not pretty?
  8. I am a failure…
  9. Maybe I should give up the hijab!

And so on…

If none of these thoughts have ever crossed your mind, Masha Allah and Subhan Allah, congratulations on your firm belief in Allah (glorified and exalted be He) and His works.

But if any of these thoughts has crossed your mind, be alert sister! You are suffering from a state which paralyses your soul and halts productivity in beautiful Muslimahs – Muslimahs who probably can make a good difference in this world or someone’s life. Remember, shaytan’s greatest enemy is the soul that is most pleasing and dutiful to Allah (glorified and exalted be He), so he tries to dishearten you and spoil your life.

This is where you need to be wise and patient. For Allah (glorified and exalted be He) orders in Qur’an, “Say: “Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us; He is our Protector”. And upon Allah let the believers rely.” [Qur’an Chapter 9: Verse 51].

6 Antidotes to Negative Thoughts & Sadness

  1. DEDICATE YOUR YOUTH TO ALLAH (GLORIFIED AND EXALTED BE HE) IF A HUSBAND HASN’T COME YET.

    The reasons for not being able to get married yet can vary, but just because marriage hasn’t come to you yet, it does not mean that your youth – or your whole life – is wasted, sister. If you regret losing time in waiting for a spouse, then turn the tables by dedicating your youthful single days to Allah’s cause and obedience.

    This way you won’t feel sad nor regret losing beautiful days. In fact, if Allah (glorified and exalted be He) is with you every day, what have you lost? After all, among the seven who would be provided shade under His shade on the day is the youth who grew up worshipping Allah (glorified and exalted be He). [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

  2. START A NOBLE PROJECT

    You’re only young once. Would you really let it slip away while you mourn over being single, or would you rather do something productive for the sake of Allah (glorified and exalted be He)? Once again, turn the tables over and start an amazing project. Let this project be one that is beneficial for both your present time in the dunya and the akhirah.

    Maybe you could start on a noble project that you can pass on to your children and further generations as legacy. One idea is to produce a copy of handwritten Qur’an using beautiful calligraphy. I’m sure you can think of many more ideas!

  3. DON’T PAY HEED TO WHAT OTHERS SAY. ALLAH (GLORIFIED AND EXALTED BE HE) IS YOUR PROTECTOR AND CARETAKER.

    I know that family pressures tend to bubble up and make your life unhappy. In the words of someone I interviewed for this article, “It’s not easy with these destructive relatives; but I focus on what I have, not on what I do not have, and definitely not on others’ opinions about me. But you know how it is – their words do get to you in a painful way and you can’t help not getting affected by it. So allow yourself to be upset but pick yourself up and simply move on. That’s how I do it.”

    Remember that pain is just a state of mind. You can think your way out of everything, even pain. Try not to involve yourself in arguments, avoid the company of negative people, be wise and exit an uncomfortable situation politely. And if you feel burdened, pray, “Our Lord! Lay not upon us such a burden as You did lay upon those before us.” [Qur’an: Chapter 2, Verse 286]

  4. KNOW YOU’RE SPECIAL AND WERE BORN WITH AN AIM IN THIS WORLD.

    We are special, sisters! The special creation of Allah (glorified and exalted be He) with an aim in this world. There’s nothing wrong with your face or mind or hijab or your nose to be honest. Our life, though filled with not-so-pleasant moments sometimes, is a gift from Allah (glorified and exalted be He). We’ll always be tested. There will be tears but there will also be laughter and love. You have the right to live your life however you want it to. Marriage isn’t something you can force. Trust in Allah’s plan for you and be strong.

  5. TAKE THE EDUCATION ROUTE.

    Take advantage of the time and freedom you have and invest in education. It could be a language course or a degree. Don’t miss out on the time. Make Hazrat Aisha (may Allāh be pleased with her) your role model and pursue education with noble passion and zeal. She is considered one of the great female scholars in Islam. This is your opportunity to educate yourself in the best manner for the sake of becoming a good educated mother and a wife in the future, In sha Allah.

  6. KNOW THAT THERE HAS TO BE A REASON WHY ALLAH (GLORIFIED AND EXALTED BE HE) HAS CHOSEN THIS FOR YOU.

    To believe in Allah (glorified and exalted be He) requires total faith in His Actions and what he wills for you. Try to sit alone for a few minutes and talk to your soul. Then reason with your heart and inform your nafs that there is a reason why Allah (glorified and exalted be He) has chosen this situation for you.

    Maybe He desires that you fulfill a very important task in life for His sake, so He decrees that you stay single till you have achieved that aim? Or maybe He wants to reward you with something great and this ordeal is a test for you. So make istighfar as much as you can, and make dua to your Lord to grant you victory and peace and fill your heart with serenity and love. Then make lots of dua for your future spouse’s khair.

    And always say, “O My Lord, Whenever you wish for me to be married, let it be for good and happiness”.

Some Final Words of Comfort

If you wish to recite dua from Qur’an, take refuge in this verse: “And those who say,”Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”” [Qur’an: Chapter 25, Verse 74]

If you fill your heart with love for Allah (glorified and exalted be He) and His Rasool (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him), I can guarantee that all these hurdles and troubling thoughts concerning marriage will perish and you will see yourself as a productive Muslimah who is making a difference in the world of Allah (glorified and exalted be He).

May Allah (glorified and exalted be He) be your Light, my Light, our Light. Ameen.

Written for Productive Muslim !

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September 27, 2011

No jokes. Please No jokes

by Khanum

I have met some confused people and then I have seen some entirely mental ones too but never in my (I won’t tell my age) years of Life , Have I come across a Person (a man to be honest) who has given me a reasonable and not laughable reply. (Or kill-able in many cases).

I’m Talking about the marriage question. And  No, Khanum hasn’t proposed anyone lately. (I solemnly declare I do not have any Boyfriend , neither do I wish to have one in any case) And if you’re wondering what this post is about. I don’t know where the feet or the toes of this post would be but You know me, I always make a point!

So what happened. You know the Facebook page I often visit and mention? HAPPY MUSLIM HUSBAND AND WIFE. Last Time I wrote a post over it that was a ridiculous hit.  Few days back I ran into a discussion “What qualities would you want in spouse.” I interviewed (surveyed) few opposite genders and I got some super funny replies. The ones that make u go baboons and well! baboons!  I just asked my cousin the other day – just out of curiosity- Why would you want to get married?. And he gives me the most ROmantic reply Ever. “…For Food, Pervisha. Its all about food. For having good food around the year, 3 times a day!” I confidently moved on to my next cousin. I repeated the same question and he gave me the heart attack of my life. “Marriage? ..” He stares at me as if I’m – a school girl and winks!  ..”Who wants to get married dude ? eh! I’m good!”

OK. So I was always worried where the young generation is going. But Now Im more worried where my two Cousins are going 😮 We had a long debate over it that went like forever.  In the end I shut up for the sake of keeping my sanity intact because I concluded what my one cousin wanted was a Master Chef  – not a wife and the other one just needed a good beat from his parents. Including me. Or I better just  give a call to his (secret gf) and reveal his future plans. yes. That’s most reasonable. (JOKE)

Back to HAPPY MUSLIM AND WIFE.

They Also had a similar status update interestingly. Look what they posted.

I seriously wonder if the Admin of this page is female or some hardcore fan of female psychology. Why must this page ask men to take notes otherwise ? Most importantly, Who knows a man that takes such notes anyways?  Have you ever met one, seen one, talked to one? Really? 😮

I read few replies and didn’t make a comment myself for two reasons.

1- I didn’t want to be associated with the status at any cost. (It was enough that  I mistakenly ended up hitting the ‘Like’ )

2- I laughed so hard at others that I really forgot to crack any joke there. whatever the ladies had written was enough. And out of that. I had been able to finally complete my research on this Opposite-Sex-Psychology-On-Finding-a-Spouse thing.

You are now asked to throw away every bit of logic in the air. Just blow it away. Read the rest of the post and laugh at Some-of-Your-genders- opinions on this matter.

Top 5 Qualities Men (What type of , I cannot comprehend) look for in their spouse.

1- She must not have any boyfriend , this friend or that friend or boyfriend history. (hahaha – as if u’re saint urself.  keep looking)

2- She must have white and nice feet , toes and hands. (OK- what about the face. Can it be blue, black,  green or yellow?)

3- She must acknowledge the fact that Her husband is her Second God , Majazi Khuda. (Do you acknowledge this fact yourself , bhai sahab?)

4- She must have blue eyes. (Just explain to me – what has eye color got to do with finding your spouse? )

And then finally … the 5th point.

5- She must not snore. (Now khanum is really speechless – banging her head on the wall, rolling on the carpet – finding her grandfather’s pistol and aiming to shoot this man)

Top 5 Qualities Women (What type of , I cannot comprehend) look for in their spouse.

1- He should have beard (OK)

2- He should not have beard (hainn ? :o)

3- He must be kind, and caring, and understanding and love me even when I shout and handsome and some more kind and more caring and some more understanding and rich and must have a BMW or Mercedes and must not look for another women. He must inform me where he’s going but he should not question when Where I am headed to and he should take me shopping and he should look like johnny depp once in a month and oH I would truly adore a man who would get my name tattooed on his arm you know like Johnny depp got Verona Riders name and maybe on His chest too … (Please shut up!  get a new brain or control plus Z your ideal man but I feel its really better you get a brain surgery) P.S. Stop watching Korean dramas and immediately quit reading stupid novels.

4- He must take me to McDonald’s every day. (Why? Does he own it? Or does his father own it?)

5- He must love animals. (uh – It is really beyond me – Do You want him to marry you or your cat?)

Other than these, There was another point on high demand by my religious sisters. It was about finding a partner who is spiritually rich. Let me quote a sister. “He should be an EXPERT in the field of Islam and must be a true Follower of Allah and His Prophet PBUH and must know the sunnah and everything, plus he has to be a daee. He should be perfect.” I couldn’t help myself from laughing at the word ‘EXPERT’. Please ask your self, or let me just ask you myself.  Are you a Phd degree holder in the field of Islamic studies and Fiqh studies and Fatwa Studies and Shariah studies and Sunnah Studies and every studies that could possibly exist in order to make you a Perfect Muslim???!! No? Then please be reasonable. Yes!? Then still be reasonable. This world is running out of men and women are increasing in numbers day by day. Do you want to get married or not, sista ?!

I can give you a hundred stupid demands made by most of the women and men in this world almost everyday. Just not too long ago, my cousin got divorced. He had been married for two years and it didn’t work out between the two: hence, divorced. So when I mistakenly asked him – actually I didn’t ask he himself started the non sense – He said “I want a woman who will furnish the house, bring in lots of jahaiz, buy me a car, take care of me financially or better she can take me to her home and we’ll be living there in peace”.

I just asked one little question to him and he wouldn’t talk to me on this matter again.

“Are you talking about getting married or getting adopted ? he never answered. 😀

She should be this tall because I’m that tall – she should look like britney spears but should be very veryyy modest and he should be this handsome because I’m like queen of sheba and this and that and some more blah bla. Really, is it like finding a matching Gold jewellery for your color tone ? No! It’s not. Finding a spouse is not at all like finding your matching shoes, purse, dress, earings or jewellery at all because when you make the effort to look for these material things you actually PAY to buy. How can you buy your spouse? You look for them to be loved and live your whole life with.

It’s not compatible qualities that you’re talking about here when you’re saying you want to have a woman with this figure and a man with this height! – these demands are just your selfishness and lust for finding perfection which btw is only meant for Allah swt , The creator of the Worlds! So if you’re finding God , please find a praying mat and meditate.

My grandmother married my grandfather when she was very young. (Yes I talk alot about my grandma) . They were cousins and total opposites in personality. She was bubbly and was always into outings and stuff with her girlfriends while on the other hand my Grandfather was a tough rough Handsome dude in the British Army. He was by nature very disciplined, boring , strict and  nothing like my nano but honest. So it was a successful marriage. BINGO! She would often narrate her most cherished memories with him. One day she mentioned , ‘The day I came to know I have finally been engaged to your grandfather I rushed to the Halwai, bought lots of sweets and went on to give the good news to the neighbors and my friends and gave alot of laddooos even to the strangers on the street. I was so happy that I am going to be Tufail’s wife.Then on the day of Nikkah I used maswaak to give colors to my lips , your grandfather saw me and said nothing. But I knew he just didn’t say it out of my shyness.’

I swear, hearing her telling this beautiful beautiful story was just simply magic. He went on wars and often didn’t come home for a year or two. Grandma said I used to go mad and angry sometimes that I will tell him this and that and this and that But the moment he used to return home to her, She would simply start to cry and feed him good food. 🙂

I wonder what that was….. Love?  You leave behind a woman today and you may never get to see her after you return!!

He passed away very soon leaving behind 8 children. Since my grandma was way younger than him, she lived all these years alone and missing him so much that I can barely do justice to her sadness with my words. I mentioned in my other post once how she had developed Alzheimer. She wouldn’t remember any child or any brother but one person she always remembered was her Husband. “Who is Tufail, nano?” We used to ask her to bring her back to conciousness when she often went into coma. “Tufail? Tufail is my husband…”

Seeing her saying this with much love in her old eyes, I used to wonder what is it that still binds Grandpa with nano even after his death?

Magic. Love. Association. Whatever it was. It was not a joke. It was a product of their honest time together. It was beautiful.

Now let’s take a quick look at the conversation below. This is a super kid I came across –  Arab by origins , who I believe should be rocketed off to a far far away and very distant planet for the sake of saving the virtues of foolish women of this planet. I had a conversation with a woman over Salaah thing at his status which resulted in this inbox conversation. I removed his name to maintain his privacy. Below is the picture,  He messages me and I reply.

Do you think khanum should wipe off this person? 😀 By the time he marries at the age of 30 Im sure, he would be having dozens of women-  all of them hoping he would marry them. In the name of Ta’aruf!

I won’t type more. I’m tired.

The End.

July 27, 2011

Walking through the Streets …2011, Turkey.

by Khanum

          Istanbul: This man with a pigeon sitting over his head is actually a fortune teller. In Pakistan, we have this tradition of working with a parrot. The bird selects a certain token, and the owner of the bird reads out the fortune for the customer. It was amusing to see the pigeon as an agent this time. Cute! and as my friend Tota Marie says,   “psychic pigeon“.

 Bursa: To see the women on streets , comfortably selling little pieces of jewellery and fruits and fabrics and Lord knows better what more, is really a wonder for the eye. We don’t have such things in Pakistan except in villages where women sell vegetables on Sundays. It all looked very friendly n’ fabulous to me.


Cappadocia:  Have a good Look at the man in the picture. There’s a Silent man behind another silent man. Can you notice him?