Odyssey

Bismillah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem

April, 2022.

Odyssey

Are human beings like different types of flowers?

With their individual and unique blooming frequency.

Someone is a rose, that often blooms. But also, dies.

Some like the rare ones, blooming only once a year in the spring.

And some, taking years and years and years to become comfortable with the world within and without,

And then blossom, like no other.

Are human beings like the trees?

Some tall, some thick, some so very small

and under the shadow of the giant ones..

Or are people, like the sky..

Forever the same. But Sun and moon, keep changing it’s color.

Or are you and I like the earth. The very same earth we are made up of.

Forever humble, forever moving, and experiencing many seasons.

Cold. Extreme cold.

Spring, beautiful spring.

Summer. Harsh summer.

Autumn, slightly blue.

—————-

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone,

It’s been awhile. In fact, years. It took me years to write again. SubhanAllah, life has been wonderful and good. But I am like this. And I dislike this about myself now. If I get one emotional wound, I go for years to hibernate and heal from it. But I hope whoever is reading this, is in the best state of emaan, no matter the circumstances. happy, confusing or sad. And doesn’t make the same mistake as I did – grieving while thinking you are fine, and hiding from the world because of those negative feelings.

So What happened.

I found my purpose and threw myself into studies. I was on cloud 9 because I had finally embraced my nature. I had finally decided to not waste my life anymore, and study what matters. So Alhamdulillah, I started madrassa. And then, when you study Qur’an and get serious about things, I guess you get tested about the knowledge. I had to say goodbye to someone really close to me. It was July, 2019.

I have never went public on this here. I have never grieved this with any of my friends. I have never put any statuses when I was going through the difficult times while I was losing someone, bit by bit, day by day, as I ran into and out of the hospital for nearly a month. I grieved there with humans who lost their loved ones before I lost mine. Every time someone passed away, I never thought once that my loved could die, too.

And then the time came for my loved one to go. I think, I grew a lot that day.. I grew a lot in a way I cannot explain over the coming years, when I had to say goodbye. It is like surrendering to God.

I bathed her with others, and shrouded her, without losing myself. It was as if God had strengthened my heart. And then, because we are humans, I broke down like a child. SubhanAllah.. this human heart. I learned Allah swt is giving me strength in this year.

What happened then. I experienced Allah’s presence in every hardship I experienced after it.

Now when I reflect about it, it is like He gave me the gift of seeking knowledge and finding my strength in God, only to make me stronger for what was to come: He was about to take someone I loved, back. And Allah is Allah, He didn’t leave me empty handed. I don’t think I would have been able to cope with this loss, If I hadn’t been made some wiser and emotionally stronger by Allah swt. And then growth continued. What happened when that person passed away, totally changed the family landscape.

Once again, there was only God who showed up.

I think, I am still deeply grieving, for I have not forgotten how some people disappointed me after the funeral. And I don’t know where did these years of my life go when I really sit down to measure them. I continued my studies. But I also gave them away to grief and acute fear.

I have never experienced such intense growth before where I felt Allah is walking with me every step of the way like I did in past few years. It is exactly like you walk one step closer to God, and Allah comes to you running. Well.. even when you are too broken to walk towards Him, He has the power to hold your hand and make you feel His presence. Like He is standing so close you. Like He is not unknown. He is very much here, with you and you are breathing close to Him.

You will experience a time in your life, where you would feel, all the things you wanted from a human, Allah swt is the one providing you that. Emotional strength. Emotional understanding. Fighting with your enemies. Standing up in front of your enemies. All of these more. I found Him so close. And so differently this time. It is as if, each event is there only to bring you closer to Him.

I have never understood this much Qur’an as I did in these years. I have never felt the wisdom behind certain ayahs or the signs in Qur’an like I did through these life experiences. It is like, Qur’an comes to life when you turn to it for answers about why this is happening in your life and for what reason.

And that’s amazing..

Human heart, is nothing but a place where Allah dwells, and it blooms. And when He leaves that heart, it dies a slow death and withers like a dried flower.. without the person knowing.. May Allah swt save us from that death.

Take care of your hearts. Take care of yourselves. And if you are ever bruised, don’t grieve or hide for long, like me. Taking weeks is fine. But taking years, is making yourself more zakhmi. Whatever it is, tell Allah swt about it. Do something about it, gracefully. But don’t grieve, in your mind only. Speak.

Allah swt, bi’iznillah and with His Mercy, can mend anything.

The Sherbat You and I need 5 times a day.

Here’s something interesting:

Allah swt has mentioned (sea) water in Quran nearly 32 times. And the Arabic word ‘Ma’ for water 63 times. Amazingly, every time water is mentioned, it has an important story or implication with it. In simple sense, water is referred as something essential that sustains life.

In metaphorical sense, however, water is mentioned to speak about guidance and provision. 🙂 Kabhi note karain tarjummah parh ke, what does it signal toward?

According to scholars, Guidance is like a drink. Like we need water daily, we need guidance daily and constantly to sustain good levels of emaan

The hikmah behind establishing salah, is that it serves as a crucial drink (water) for our emaan, our guidance. Because the heart is something that turns, so to keep the heart guided, it needs to stay connected to it’s Maker, else it fails to function. The fluids it needs, the water it requires, the drink, the sherbet it asks for, is face-time conversation with Allah swt, The Sweetest and One and Only Lord. And اهدِنَــــا الصِّرَاطَ المُستَقِيمَ is that Sherbat mixed with other duas and given to us as a complete drink in the form of Namaz.

The bottom line? Hang onto اهدِنَــــا الصِّرَاطَ المُستَقِيمَ

Buy it with your time. Buy 1 drink first. Sip more. Hold onto it. Kuch hojaye, jahan bhi hon, tamam kaam chor denge, pause kardenge sab kuch, pehle ye drink piyenge, esa wada karlen khud se. And phir ahista ahista, 5 waqt drink per ajayen. Apka dil khud hi le ayega apko. 🙂

اهدِنَــــا الصِّرَاطَ المُستَقِيمَ

We say this over and over again because we are forgetful and we really need it. We need this drink, this elixir for guidance, 5 times a day. Less than that hurts the heart, more than that, we could not bear, which is why 50 salahs were reduced to 5 only. 🙂

I honestly think, praying salah 5 times, and slowly developing adat for Tahajjud, can do miracles for your life. Your heart and your mind. I cannot say it will change the things around you overnight, it may if Allah wills. But it definitely, inshaAllah, works wonders on your inner world. You begin to see life through a fresh and new lens. Things begin to look unique and like never before. Allah speaks to you through different things, people, messages, epiphanies. And did not Allah say, He is near? He really is.

Say: Have you considered if your water should go down, who is it then that will bring you flowing water? Surah Mulk Verse 30.

Assalamo Alaikum. 🙂

Cafe De Pamir and what makes it special

بسم الله

Sleepy, sluggish, happy dreams. I woke up yawning from my deep slumber.  On my right was the new friend I had made on the trip, a girl from Abbotabbad. And on my left, was my mother. Curled up, and asleep like a baby. This was Hunza. I was at Cafe de Pamir. The morning was beautiful and unlike any other morning of my life, and despite my exhaustion, and fatigue screaming from every bone of my body including the muscles and the skin, I was too happy and euphoric for the morning. 

My first view of the day was probably the ceiling. The beautiful new ceiling. The ceiling? How silly it may sound and ordinary to mention, but when you are on vacation and in a different setting, the very minutest details become your  kham-khua ki khushi. The very new things, your reason for feeling blessed. And your senses, heightened enough to detect even the tiniest of the new flower outside your window, becoming your muse on the journey.

The fact that there could be bugs on the floor ( but there weren’t) where we had comfortably decided to sleep last night, did not bother me. There were bunker beds, four of them, but the main attraction of the room: the big windows, had us rolling with joy on the floor.

When I say rolling with joy, you have to picture euphoria. The euphoria upon getting a room with giant windows on two sides that open up to the mountain Rakaposhi on the right and, another giant mountain on the front. We definitely hadn’t seen it coming.

The view from my window at Cafe De Pamir, Hunza پہلی صبح

بسم الله

Subh Bakhair .

Mere alarm ne wafadari nibhate hoye, kaan ke kareeb ghanti bajai. 

Aur kamal hi hogaya, ke mai uth bhi gai. Karwat le ker jab ird gird dekha, tou shuker hai khuda ka sab wesa hi tha jese pichli raat chora tha. Daayen janib, aik nai abottabadi saheli. Baayen janib, zaati reliable pyari Ammi.

Hunza main meri pehli subha, bilkul ese hi thi jese bachpan mai agle din eid ki khushi. Isi khushi ke maaray sari raat neend nahi ati thi. ‘Ammi thora aur khel lun bas?’

‘Ammi , please, thora aur naaye joote dekh lun bas?’  yahan tak ke thora aur thora aur kerte kerte, joote sath rakh ke sonay ki nobat aa jati thi. Sirf agle din ki khushi ki khatir.

Mere liye Cafe De Pamir mai, naaye joote tou nahi thay. Kyun ke wo mai Gilgit ki mitti zadda road pe already tor chuki thi. Likin us waqt, Hunza mai, naaya din mera muntzair zaror tha. Alhamdulillah. Aur isi khushi mai, mai ye bilkul bhool chuki thi, theek bachpan ki terhan ke meri neend poori nahi hui. Saath hi saath jism mai 24 ghanton ke safar ki badolat, dard naak khaliyaan bhi theen. Esi khalliyan ke jis ke baray mai ager mai eik poora mazmoon likhna chahun, tou likh sakti hun. Likin mai likhungi nahi. Don’t worry. Ek waja tou ye ke 24 ghante bayaan karna asaan nahi. Dosri waja ye ke agay jo hua, wo batanay ki zara mujhe jaldi hai. Utni hi jaldi, jitni jaldi mujhe us roz, wo din shuru kerne ki thi. Nir e haal mu.

Lehaza, khaliyon ko khushi se kabool karte hoye, mei foran se uth khari hui.

Allahu Akbar!

Subha subha uth ke pehla kaam tha bhaag kar khirki pe jana, mu bahir nikalna, aur ird gird ke paharon ko ankhain phar phar ker dekhna. Ye plan maine raat ko hi bana liya tha. Kamrey mai dakhil hote hi, hum teenon kamre ke munfarid nakshay pe khushi ke maaray aik dosarey se  takreeban eid hi mill rahe thay. Itni khushi. Itni khushi. Ke hum ne jhatt se samne ki bari bari teen khirkiyon ke neeche lagaye teen farshi bistron pe dairay jama liye. Un khirkiyon se aik bohat bara pahaar aur Hunza waadi ke ghar nazar aarahe thay. Pahar na door tha na kareeb. Subha shaam dhuan dhuan se badal nazar atay thay jese chai ki chenak se nikalti hui steam. Farak sirf itna tha ke chai garam hoti hai. Ye manzar thanda tha.

Kamrey ki daayein janib bhi khirkiyaan theen, jis ki khas baat thi Rakaposhi pahar ka manzar. Ammi hazoor ne Rakaposhi wali side pe sona munasib samjha. Mai darmiyaan mai lait gai, aur Abottabaadi lerki/ safar ki dost, meri doosri janib.

Sab se behtreen jaga hum ne apne bhaari bags ko di. Ankhon ke samne, mu se door. 4 bunker beds per.

Zindagi aik dam haseen thi. Alhamdulillah. Zindagi aj bhi wesi hi haseen hai. Alhamdulillah. Mere zehan mai Cafe De Pamir ka ye manzir ab tak wese ka wesa hi maujood hai. Mujhe lagta hai shayad, mai abhi tak wapis nahi aii. Mai wahin hun. Thanday thanday asmaanon ke neeche, baray baray paharon ke darmiyaan. Jahan din bhi utne hi haseen hain jitni haseen raatain. Aur jahan main ne chand ko bullet speed se pahar ke peeche chupte dekha hai. Sach much. Jese wo bhi, agli subha jeene ki jaldi main ho.

A Woman’s Dua for her Future Husband – Top Viewed Post of All Times

بسم الله

It comes as a pleasant surprise that the seeds we sow unknowingly, give fruits in time, and we get to see them grow into beautiful things. Alhamdulillah. I noticed a very positive occurrence on my blog recently.  A woman’s dua for her future husband has remained the top most viewed post since the date of its publication in 2012. I didn’t know I’m sowing a seed. The total views it has gained so far are 16,585 on wordpress alone. I haven’t even counted the views it received on my independent domain.

16,585. Though I’m not the original author of the poem, but the fact that it has touched so many hearts, humbles me. The poem is written by Samantha Sanchez.

I would like to take this moment to revitalize our memories and post it, once again, making it the second post on khanumsays, to be shared twice.

Please note: A dua in Islam does not include rhyme, therefore, the content is more like a poem (creative writing) but whoever has written it, poured out the emotions of someone asking Allah for a loving Muslim spouse, and made an effort to capture the heart aptly. How sweet is that.

A Woman’s Dua for her future Husband

“O Allah! Please grant me the one

Who will be the garment for my soul…

Who will satisfy half of my deen

And in doing so make me whole

Make him righteous and on your path

In all he’ll do and say

And sprinkle water on me at Fajr (Early Morning Prayer)

Reminding me to pray

May he earn from halal sources

And spend within his means

May he seek Allah’s guidance always

To fulfill all his dreams

May he always refer to Qur’an

and the Sunnah as his moral guide

May he thank and appreciate Allah

For the woman at his side

May he be conscious of his anger

And often fast and pray

Be charitable and sensitive

In every possible way

May he honor and protect me

And guide me in this life

And please Allah! Make me worthy

to be his loving wife

And finally, O Allah!

Make him abundant in love and laughter

In taqwa and sincerity

In striving for the hereafter!

May Allah grant all the Muslim sisters with such husbands… Ameen ya rabbel alameen”

Text from original post in 2012: I came across this beautiful dua somewhere on internet and really wished to share it with my readers.  it actually teared me a bit. It reminded me of the song by Maher zain, “For the Rest of  My Life”.  May Allah swt bless my sisters /correct lost souls all by granting such an honest and virtuous spouse who may lead my sisters and brothers even In Islam to the path of  Jannah and help them prepare for the akhirah as they walk in this world hand in hand. Ameen!

I wanted to write down a poem/dua in reply to this myself from a man’s perspective but since m not on writing mode these days I thought of sharing this one. JazakAllah for reading!

I do not own the pictures or the text.

Reflections I – The Little Plant with Big Leaves

اِهۡدِنَا الصِّرَاطَ الۡمُسۡتَقِيۡمَۙ‏  – Show us the straight way, (Surah Al-Fatiha,  Verse 5)

Have you ever looked at something in nature, that has given you the drop dead gorgeous feeling and still managed to leave you questioning, what is it about it that I am still looking at it? Why do I keep returning to look at it as if it has something to teach me?

There’s this little plant, in our courtyard in one of the kayaariz that we have. Little than me, but with leaves larger than my hands. They almost remind me of an elephant’s ears. I was sure it is a new plant until few moments ago, Allah swt returned to me, my memory of it and I remembered, I have seen it before, in its pre-mature days. This was the plant that we almost buried beneath the rocks and other decorative plants sometime ago, around March, unknowingly.

I remember seeing one leaf of it coming out of the rocks, pushing forth weeks ago, whenever I would inspect the plants. I for one, had no idea, it is a plant, to begin with. A weed, perhaps? My thoughts were somewhat on the similar line. It was nothing extra ordinary. Just a green leaf, making its way out of the pebbles. I would water it now and then, just to see the fresh green color returning to it after a drink. SubhanAllah, that was it.

But Allah swt knew, there is more. More to come of it, and I would see it one day, just to reflect on its stature, the way it stands, smaller in size but grown up, and heart shaped leaves larges than my own palms to inspire me and a way of standing with grace, to speak of Allah’s Mercy upon it.

“And Allah knows, while you know not.” (Quran, 2:216)

“But they plan and Allah plans and Allah is the best of planners” (Quran, 8:30) 

Could I have planned or even designed that moment for someone to take inspiration or guidance from? No..

“And Allah guides whom He wills to the straight path.” (Quran, 2:213)

“Indeed, (O Muhammad), you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the (rightly) guided.” (Quran, 28:56)

“Light upon Light. Allah guides to His Light whom He wills.” (Quran, 24:35)

Exactly which of the things in my courtyard are there that do not remind me, or force me, to ponder upon His Grace? Surprisingly, everything has a purpose. They return me to Him, in a beautiful way, again and again. And I’m left thinking, which of the favors of our Lord can we deny? None. One by one.. we begin to see these favors, as we cultivate the right mindset. Only, with His will and Help. Which is why, it is so important, to ask Allah swt, to favor you with the right mindset for guidance. For guidance is the most precious gift of Allah swt in this life. From this gift, gush forth rivers of further blessings and presents. Without it, we are deprived.

The rank & growth this plant has received, in a couple of few weeks is a beautiful reminder. Where as my limited sight could not see, its future and significance, Allah swt, had a plan for this little fellow. Just like He has a plan for all of us.

Allah swt had a way for it to realize it’s way up, and grow under His watchful eyes and ever nurturing and protective Nature. Just like He is guarding and nourishing us, with His protective Nature.

Also, Allah wisely knows that when we reflect upon His creation, there appear the Signs of His Majesty that return us to Him in attractive ways. So He made the stars, the beautiful forests, birds, greenery and every tiny insect with precision while keeping us in mind. This is His Rahma, Mercy.  So that one focused on finding Allah’s signs, can be facilitated. And reassuringly, one who is sincerely focused on finding Allah’s Signs, cannot remain without seeing His Signs all over the Universe. It is inevitable. He calls our attention towards things, for nothing but to Guide. For He is Al Hadi ; The Best of Guides.

Moreover, how wonderful it is that He is Al Baseer, The One Who Sees everyone and everything. Here seeing does not merely means to see what is in the present. He sees your future, and beyond the realm of time itself.

Alhamdulillahi Rabil Alameen for the way He looked into my future, the way He placed this plant before my eyes, and made me reflect upon so many things in one go. In a way, we grew side by side all these weeks without ever knowing, or worrying how the other one is being nourished. This is Allah’s beauty and sustenance once again. SubhanAllah.

“On earth there are signs for those with sure faith; and in yourselves too, do you not see?” (Quran, 51:20-21)

I encourage you to gently ponder. Look around you and ask yourself, what are my surroundings trying to tell me? For surely, there is a God.

 

To be continued… إن شاء الله‎

How does it feel like?

How does it feel like?

It feels like coming home.

How does it feel like?

It feels like anything I’ve never felt before..

How does it feel like?

It feels calm, light and familiar

How does it feel like?

It feels like tranquil and sober.

How does it feel like?

It feels like putting down my bags, smiling and looking at the walls of my own comfortable home

How does it feel like?

It feels like God really knows.

How does it feel like?

A long walk back to myself

How does it feel like?

It feels like I finally understand.

And the windows? The neighbours. Where are they, have they moved back or moved on?

How does it feel like?

It feels like, empty rooms next door

How does it feel like?

Like everyone is on a journey. But I’m back home.

How does it feel like?

It feels like going on a sweet bicycle ride, on my own

How does it feel like?

It feels like a happy rainy storm

How does it feel like?

It feels really light on my feet

How does it feel like?

 Like contentment seeping into me.

How does it feel like?

It feels like, looking at a familiar moon.

How does it feel like?

Like I’m me again,

yet renewed.

 

 

Dedicated to my old wordpress blog, and renewal of faith. When you are you again, and also new. That feeling, of having wings, and being at peace with your choices, to draw closer to simple things in life, and God. How does that feel like? … It feels like, coming home.

And the neighbors? Almost every other blog I used to know on word press, is either set to private, abandoned or refurnished and then abandoned. I guess they are still on their journey. How does that feel like? Perhaps, they too are looking for their homes.