A story Unpredictable – Of Pain with Love.

Dreams.

Why do we dream of them?

Goals.

Why do we hope for them?

And damn, Peace.

Why do we so maddeningly seek for that? I wouldn’t know it all. Maybe or maybe not. Its all so unpredictable.

I woke up yesterday evening from a deep slumber, with a hole in my chest. An uneasy feeling that suffocated. It lingered on and on until I called up a friend online to keep me company so I could let it go. All in vain, I laughed for awhile n then it all began to crumble down once more. Knowing what caused it I tried to recall what had I been experiencing all the while I was gone from this world? What was it that I was dreaming.

It faded away. I couldn’t recall it proper it all faded away in a blink of an eye and I was left restless once again-  for the feeling that it left behind,  the pieces I repeatedly pick up, was as  painful as always and maddeningly something that I had grown accustomed to. And So there and then I finally came to realise and accept the unpredictable destiny for it all , That Dreams are of two kinds for me.The reality is of two dimensions . I have to get along with it somehow.

One that I seek.

One that seeks me.

Former is my wish.

Latter is His command.

And so the chase begins.

First stage, Pain. The pain’s a double fold when you find yourself in a maze, a puzzle, where you’re seeking a Dream, your dream of Him.  Surprisingly, He’s seeking you too, reaching out to you too but in a twisted way. He’s Haunting you. You’re striving back towards Him. He’s haunting You  more and more that you scream out to Him in extreme agony sometimes ,Why? but never do you easily come to meet at a point where the chase ends, or The pain stops or you reach That point,  that beloved , long long awaited last stage, always and always , so damn unpredictable.

And so it goes on. Dreams that we hunt. Dreams that haunt us.

Those damned hard days, while we are seeking the dreams we so much love, from somewhere, somehow, He sends us a jolt. Another dream comes back haunting us. Another hope comes down crashing it all . You are torn between the two dimensions once more. It’s the same equation all over again. Its always a story unpredictable.

And so it is, We never know what dreams may come true. What dreams may haunt us. And what dreams may leave us shattered. Nonetheless, we keep on burning … in pursuit of them, we keep on learning. And we surrender our souls upto them, cause by now, we have grown accustomed to it, to always stay ready to take the strange bullet of  tis sweet pain with love.

I am dedicating this post to a dear friend, Mahlaqa. Keep holding the Dream. No matter how twisted it may seem.

A perplexed thought

Each day brings forth new realities of this world to surface for me , the ugliness the beauty the fake people, the strong people……all slowly but sure! And then its the month of Ramadan when I come to learn the most.. This applies to almost everyone out there during these Holy days, sometimes we come to learn from others sometimes others come to learn from us and so on..but sometimes it happens that I am left utterly speechless and nothing but in an absolute abyss of confusion where I begin hating myself for the height of their faith and lack of my own and for the love of this nafs..

Im sorry but I could not stay without pointing out the deed I saw, a  notion that have been harbouring in me and killing me from inside bringing forth a very basic giant of a question..

Is  racing on reading and then the completion of Holy Book of Lord in this month ,something of a yardstick to prove to others that they are the holiest of people this year  or  this is really the true worship and I have been doing it all wrong…? I go in high doubt at my own relation my own respect for Him when I cannot fathom this… maybe am not good and they are.

Racing.

or maybe am bad and they aren’t.

Racing.

Such a perplexed thought.

Who let those dogs out and why aren’t they in Yet?!!!

My mind – that is not easily taken to the heights of temper – is boiling mad right now! Nonetheless its my own self slowly dissolving into this anger of not being able to do anything for the humans, the Muslims being hunt down in Burma. Atrocious, dirt, insanity, rage , crippled , disdained, shot down , cursed! what not am I feeling !!! I have been watching , observing, tolerating , sulking , cursing and just cursing in heart the massacre that is just not coming to an end! I have been watching all this in hope – and what hope? Was it just a pep talk given by me to my ownself each day or this was the height of my being insensitive to all this ? I have seen people shouting where is humanity lost. And I am a part of this society this hypocrite system – mind you! I admit I am !! But even still, I saw Writers , writing , commentators commenting, newscasters : informing!! They all doing their job , but that’s it ? done ? Oh wow! So now we are just narrowed down to play our social roles and professional roles and done?! Wonder is it to satisfy our ownselves to flee the guilt that we may feel in case if we don’t get up and get it out of our systems like I am just doing or is it because We are really messed up beings having no power but the power of writing, again like I am doing !!! There are people raising voices at social networking sites.Twitter, facebook, this book that book! You name is and there you have it. Hashtags used to make the phrase STOP KILLINGS MUSLIMS IN BURMA appearant enough and then again the next moment all calm, all passion for the Muslims rescue curbed down!

This is not just a test for those Muslims being burned down, cut down hunt down in Burma. This is our damn test as well. And Its getting heavier and heavier and choking day by day on and On! Try leave asking for your self and pray just for those innocents in each prayer, do you have the heart to do that ? You need self hatred for that first– self hatred for always bloody being damn concerned over your own life your own demands. And do not dare raise a finger on God here. He didn’t make you healthy and wealthy just to dance about in the world or totally lost logic and start killing in the name of so called damn self created religion.

This is our own created mess.

When I couldn’t control the anger boiling inside, I put a damn short status on facebook hell , “Where the heck is UN, and NATO now” and there came a flood of answers shouting HUMANITY IS DEAD! MUSLIMS ARE DEAD. MUSLIM NATIONS ARE DEAD!

DEAD? what the heck am I doing here then ?? why the heck all those handful of people shedding tears for them ? Why am I concerned over who let those dogs out and why aren’t they bloody in yet for killing thousands of innocent humans. That can’t be all for the citizens of this Universe. There has to be more. the humans who have no concern for humanity – their own humanity to be specific – I am just saying , WE ! COLLECTIVELY AS MUSLIMS – that goes out to the Arabs wearing silk gowns , sitting on leathered chairs, The Not so respected Leaders of Muslim states all over the world, The crap organisations where they sit like dummies just worried over HOW TO PUT SANCTIONS over Iranian Nuclear Program, How to win Olympics 2012 this year, how to bloody win that oil tank, The selfish – hypocrite and self obsessed people that unfortunately lead us, You guys! have failed to curb down this situation. And we are letting u do so. Shame on US!

As if the blood of Palestinians wasn’t enough…..

ScienceAlert

 A Galactic Spectacle

I am a huge fan of Allah, and His creation in the space. Hence I drool over , simply drool over such phenomenon and their images all the time. Only if I had a telescope, I would have shared pictures with my copyrights however, that’s for today: Images uploaded by ScienceAlert on facebook.

This composite image given above of the Antennae galaxies contains X-rays from Chandra (blue), optical data from Hubble (gold and brown), and infrared data from Spitzer (red). The X-ray image shows huge clouds of hot, interstellar gas that have been injected with rich deposits of elements from supernova explosions. This enriched gas, which includes elements such as oxygen, iron, magnesium and silicon, will be incorporated into new generations of stars and planets. The bright, point-like sources in the image are produced by material falling onto black holes and neutron stars that are remnants of the massive stars.

Check out a few images from a beautiful gallery put together by Wired magazine of galaxies colliding. Galactic collisions are among the most ferocious and stunning events in our universe.

These cosmic pile-ups occur whenever galaxies become gravitationally attracted to one another. Multiple galaxies may spiral around each other for billions of years, creating odd distortions and beautiful trails of stars as they pass. Eventually, the objects crash together in a forceful embrace. Since the first galaxies coalesced several hundred million years after the Big Bang, their collisions have been influential in shaping the history of our universe.

The images were mostly taken by NASA and ESO telescopes, the gallery was collected by Wired magazine

Isn’t it a breathtaking sight? : ) wow hai!

“The greatest gift you can give to someone is the purity of your attention.” -Richard Moss

It’s a strange feeling when you have tons to say but you can’t utter a single word. It’s  even a double fold strangest moment when you have many to hold onto, but none to understand your sorrow.

I’m wordless but  – I have feelings to pour down on this digital page. My friend’s father passed away yesterday. . Today was the funeral.

What can you possibly say to a friend who is standing still over her father’s dead body – not even crying , not even complaining, not even uttering a single word or sigh…You become worried she might faint , she might hurt herself from the inside that she may collapse. In that strangest and most painful moment, you ask her to cry a little, shed a tear just one or two. Just something that can lessen her burden.  And then then when she starts to cry some tears of love for her beloved father – you can’t either see that. You beg her to stop.

It’s always like that. It has always been like that.  Hard very hard but at the same time natural to let go of someone you dearly loved. Whether it’s a friend or some stranger, we all come to learn that the rules of this world go straight and fair for everyone. I have attended 3 funerals in my life so far in my 23 years of  life and I simply hope and pray I never get to see more funerals.. I’m in constant worry over who would I see leaving this world next. .

Yes There have been many happy times we have shared, many occasions We were not able to live together anymore. But that’s okay. Being with people that too with friends in times of despair is another kind of bond. This post is a simple request, to ask you to gift 1 minute of your life to her father. Join your hands together, raise them up before God and say a word of prayer for Waheed Uncle.  May His Soul Rest in Peace. May Allah swt forgive his sins, and give him A high and a wonderful place in Jannah.

Ameen. Suma Ameen.

Ramadan is about finding the path to God

I read something very heart warming on the internet today. Here are the those words of wisdom.

“The month of Ramadan is easily the world’s largest and longest spiritual festival. Muslims strive hard in this month to mend the torn fabric of human spirituality even as political and material impulses tear it asunder.

Fasting is one of the five pillars of Islam. The Quran instructs that its purpose is to teach Muslims self-restraint. The ritual involves systematic abstinence of things normal to body, mind and spirit. From dawn to dusk the limits are clear; no eating, no drinking, no sex, no fighting, no backbiting, no lying, no anger, no arrogance, no pride, no despair. In this month the sovereignty of the spirit over the body and the mind is reasserted to restore the divine order of things.”

And the title to this piece was ‘Ramadan is about finding a path to God.’

Definitely it’s the case. During Ramadan, there’s a sudden urge to do good. To be good and to spread good. Nothing but Good. Either at home or outside, masjid or your courtyard, Ramadan’s blessed wings spread all over us They move us ,   complete us.

The writer continued…

“The great Sufi Ibn Arabi captured this longing for unity with the divine more beautifully than anyone. He wrote in his The Secrets of Fasting:

My self, had it not been for you, I would not have been

as if I were Him,

were it not for you! Were it not for you!

Indeed the sense of longing for a taste of the Divine is never felt more acutely than it is in the month of Ramadan. In Ramadan we control our appetite for the created things with the fond hope that desire for the Creator will finally be satiated.

Those who fast with genuine dedication, those who struggle to conquer the self, those who give charity — they do experience a feeling of purification that is profoundly palpable.

At the end of the month, for some there is a feeling of lightness, as if the weight of impurities that one had been carrying has been lifted. For others, there is heaviness in the heart and one prays for one more chance to maybe get it right the next time.” (Source Muqtedar Khan)

Dear God

I write to you because I feel this need, to mention what things worry me in my life. A life which was given by you. A life in which I had no say when you deported me to this world.

There are times, when i am lost. When I have no hope left inside of me for things I want to achieve in this short existence.  I cry, I shed tears because I feel so lost that I don’t even want to call it ‘my life’ anymore. I name it as ‘Yours.’

And then suddenly, the pain seems to slow down a little. It agrees to stay on hold for awhile. I don’t know how it happens so fast , Dear God – but it does.

the moment I name it Yours, I’m relieved of my pains.

Is this a sign that in your eyes, I’m accepted ? I’m loved ?

I will say no more then. I have found my true Home.

Yours Forever,

Khanum..